This is an arrangement, not a real date.
Though that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it. Underneath that hard shell, there’s a heart beating somewhere in that broad chest. Dating for December could turn out to be fun if he’d only lighten up a little.
‘Phoebe wasn't planned.’ He admits, taking a sip from his drink. ‘Not by me, at least.’
‘Oh.’ Realisation sinks in. Did his ex trap him? Is that why he’s such a cynic about love and relationships? Or does that stem from his career choices?
‘Teagan does what she wants when she wants. Which is why I need your help. She needs to know I’ve moved on or she’ll never give up.’ His gaze shifts to meet mine. ‘You have no idea what the woman is capable of. She took a job in my office, way below her paygrade just so she could have access to my calendar. She waited a full year before making her move. She’s ten years younger than me. Beautiful. Bubbly. I was foolishly flattered.’ He shakes his head. ‘My mother made no secret that she’d like to see us together. Our parents have been friends for years.
‘I warned Teagan from that first night it would only ever be a bit of fun between us. I warned her not to fall in love with me. Marriage has never been part of my life plan. But Teagan wanted to be the one who changed me. It became an obsession for her. One night she caught me drunk enough to sleep with her without protection. Nine months later we had a daughter.’ He shrugs casually, but there’s nothing casual about his confession.
No wonder the man has trust issues.
He stares into space, seeing something faraway. ‘She was determined to be the one to tie me down. And in some ways, she did. Having a daughter is a bigger commitment than marriage. I wouldn't be without Phoebe for all the money in the world. But just because I’m tied to Phoebe, I refuse to be tied to Teagan – romantically at least. I tried. I really did. But when she cheated on me and left, all I felt was relief.’
‘I’m sorry she did that to you.’ I reach across the table and touch his hand. He jolts back as if feeling the same million vaults of electricity coursing through his skin that coursed through mine.
‘It sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud.’ He swallows hard, thrumming those thick fingers on the table again. ‘But it was a violation. She watched me from afar, stalked me like a preying lioness and made her move.’
A sliver of guilt crusades through my core.
I’ve been watching Cillian from afar for the best part of a year and fantasising about him.
But then again, that’s all they ever were, fantasies. I’m not scheming to have his children. Even if my ovaries have started ticking like a deadly time bomb since Nate and Holly had Harriet.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to confess. To admit I’ve seen him around. But what would that achieve? He’d run a mile.
Instead, I bite my lip and put myself in his shoes. ‘It doesn’t sound ridiculous. If you were a woman and a man forced you to become a parent, it would be a serious crime.’
His face softens slightly. ‘Now you know why it’s imperative I get rid of Teagan from our lives. She’s dangerous.’
‘I’ll do whatever it takes to help,’ I promise.
The enticing scent of pepperoni wafts beneath my nose as the waitress places our plates on the table. It’s the perfect way to draw a seamless line under a conversation that was disturbing on several levels.
My thin crust pizza is Instagram-worthy. And so is my super sexy fake-boyfriend.
‘Can I get you anything else?’ the waitress asks with a smile.
‘Would you mind taking a picture of us?’ I hand her my phone as Cillian rolls his eyes.
‘Sure, no problem.’ She stands backs and snaps several different angles while I tilt my head and pose. Cillian’s jaws clench so tightly together; he looks like he’s in pain.
‘Thank you so much.’ I slip her a twenty-euro tip, returning my attention to my non-date. ‘Where were we?’
‘You were publicly embarrassing me. Again.’ He picks up his fork with his right hand and stabs his ravioli aggressively. ‘As if you didn't do enough damage in my office already.’
‘Damage? That was a PR stunt. You can bet your life your ex will have heard about it by tomorrow.’ I tear off a slice of pizza and pick it up with my hands.
‘Sorry for getting so serious. I just want you to understand what I’m up against. I’m not trying to scare away the mother of my child for no good reason.’
‘I would never judge.’ I feel obliged to lighten the mood. ‘I’m going to ask you some questions and you’re going to answer them, okay? We need to at least appear comfortable with each other if we’re going to convince my family we’re an item.’
‘Fine.’ His lips part and he shoves a fork full of food in. It’s a battle not to stare.
I start with an easy one to get him warmed up. ‘What’s your nickname?’
‘Nickname?’ He repeats like I’ve asked him to translate the Koran for me.
