‘I think when you know you know. It’s a gut feeling. It consumes you from the inside out. Once you’ve found that person, the thought of a life without them is unbearable.’
Wow. B is deeply insightful, different to our usual male callers.
‘So what advice would you give Jane on the matter?’ Aoife says.
‘I didn’t ring to give Jane advice. I really rang to offer it to Abby…’ An amused tone enters his voice, a small frown burrows onto my face as I consider the identity of B, concerned Sean had convinced someone to ring in, especially with a tale of an everlasting childhood romance.
‘I want to tell you about a guy I know.’
Here we go… Aoife’s hand hovers over the red button in case we have to drop the call rapidly.
‘He was a player, in every sense of the word. Women loved him, and he enjoyed their company, though he never had any real meaningful encounters.’ This wasn’t the start of the tale I was expecting, though it was oddly familiar nevertheless.
‘Then, out of the blue, he met this woman, and everything changed. The guy I knew was gone, replaced by a more wholesome, fuller, better version of himself. He fell in love. And while it was enthralling and dizzying, it also made him vulnerable. He couldn’t see straight. He imagined things that weren’t there. Things that everyone on the outside could see were merely ghosts or shadows became the living, breathing boogeyman to him. And his fear allowed him to lose his new love. And now he’s a shadow of his former self.’
B’s overwhelmingly familiar story resounds deeply in my empty soul. I too have felt the highs of the roller coaster of dizzying love and the subsequent undercurrents of fear dragging me below the surface. A slow, heavy tear rolls from my face down onto the keyboard in front of me.
‘Ring him, Abby. He will kill me for this, but it’s already killing me to watch him suffer. He loves you. I should know. I’m his brother.’ A gentle click signifies Brian’s departure.
I scrape the chair back forcefully and grab my purse and phone.
‘I have to go,’ I announce.
‘Candice will fire you one of these days, Abby. Highest show ratings or not.’ Aoife eyes Candice’s retreating back.
‘Cover for me, please,’ I beg. ‘Tell her I’ve got the vomiting bug. With any luck, she’ll think you aren’t the only one up the duff. By the time she realises I’m not, she’ll just be relieved she doesn’t have to look for maternity cover for both of us.’
Aoife sniggers, relieved I’ve finally come to my senses. I’m not sure if I have actually come to my senses with what I’m about to do. There’s bound to be an audience at training, in addition to the entire Irish rugby team. I could be building myself for a massive fall. For all I know, Brian could be wrong, Callum could have sought solace in the arms of one of his many previous conquests. Or a new one, for that matter. The man isn’t short of fangirls. But if I don’t go now, while I’m relatively brave on the back of his brother’s words, I never will.
I have to get to Callum. I owe him an explanation. And an apology. I need to feel his arms around me. I need to look into his devastatingly blue eyes and tell him I know…because I do know, what we have is enough for me…regardless of his name. I pushed him, shut him out and let him leave, abandoned him. All the things I swore I wouldn’t do. I pray to God I haven’t caused a hurt that can’t be forgiven.
