ABBY
Callum plants a lingering kiss on my mouth with no regard for the frustrated commuters beeping at the hold up in traffic outside the Ireland Today building. As I cross the road, a burning stare penetrates my shoulder blades. I turn to catch a flickering sight of the figure in the baseball cap again. The figure then merges into the throng of people on the pavement, leaving me to question if it’s, once again, a figment of my imagination.
I enter the glass doors, distracted by the knowledge that Candice is going to blow a fuse when I tell her Callum declined her offer.
I’m relieved. The thought of our relationship developing so publicly…listeners forming opinions on us based on the way we interact on air. We’re already in the spotlight. It would be nice to keep some part of us private.
The news of the trip and wedding clashing created a tiny rift in our, so far, perfect start. The underlying issue doesn’t sit well with me: Do I value my career more than my relationship? In the past, I always put Sean’s wants before my own. I vowed to do things differently this time, but it seems unfair somehow that Callum’s already on the backfoot because of my previous experience with Sean.
I walk the length of the corridor, where Aoife greets me as usual with notes for the show and a black coffee.
‘You’re a lifesaver.’ We’ll soon have to advertise her maternity cover. Though I hate the thought of being without her, I don’t begrudge it either.
‘Sally’s upstairs already,’ Aoife warns me quietly.
‘What’s she doing here already?’ I roll my eyes, desperate to avoid unnecessary confrontation.
‘She’s showing someone around. They arrived literally a minute before you. Remember she ran all those competitions over the last few weeks trying to increase her audience? One of the prizes was a tour of the building and the opportunity to co-host her show,’ Aoife relays in hushed tones as we approach.
‘Well, they’d want to be moving on with this part of the tour fairly soon, because I’m done with co-hosts for now, except for you of course,’ I tell her wryly.
‘He didn’t go for it?’ Aoife tuts, but I gather from her monotone that she’s unsurprised.
‘Is it wrong that I’m relieved?’ I shrug. Candice’s going to hit the roof. She was relying on our chemistry to attract interest. We round the corner, and I grin at the memory of Callum in my favourite cupboard.
The smile freezes on my face at the studio door. Sally’s sitting in my usual seat, across from a man who looks dangerously like Sean Fitzpatrick, complete with a red baseball cap. Apparently, I didn’t imagine him after all. It’s the one time I would have liked to have been wrong. Light stubble lines his face and his hazel eyes glint in anticipation. At the sight of me, he springs to his feet, as though he’d been waiting especially.
Shock roots my sandals to the spot. Every single cell within screams at me to move. The repetitive thud of my hammering heart floods my brain, preventing all rational thought.
Does Sally know who he is? Did she do this deliberately? Why not just leave me alone?
He had no problem leaving me alone four years ago.
‘Abs…’ He places a hand tenderly on my shoulder. His touch sears my bare skin. I flinch and jerk away as he scrutinises my face for any sign of weakness.
‘Don’t call me that.’ It’s barely a whisper.
Aoife stands two feet away from me with no clue of the gaping wound that Sally slit open. The demon of my past thrust into my present.
‘You look unreal, Abby.’ His eyes scan the length of my casual maxi dress with an open appreciation.
If I do, it’s because Callum reignited a spark in me. One that I assumed I’d lost forever when he left.
‘Don’t, Sean. Just don’t.’ I push him away from me, repulsed by his inappropriate familiarity and general sense of entitlement.
At the mention of his name, Aoife instantly reverts to high alert, remembering our caller who voiced the much-discussed question: ‘How long have you been sleeping with my fiancée?’
‘Will I call security?’ She places a hand on her pager. ‘He has a pass,’ Sally says smugly.
‘Keep him away from me.’ Finding my feet at last, I shoo them out of my studio like unwelcome stray animals.
‘We need to talk, Abby. We have unfinished business…you know it…’ His voice trails off as I close the soundproofed door in his face.
The irritating fecker has aged well. A flood of memories engulf me, reminding me of everything I almost had. We would have been married almost four years. Would we have had children by now?
Aoife carries me through the show. I barely say two words for the entire three hours. I can’t think straight, unable to process my emotions.
He was my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first love, my best friend; my everything. It wasn’t just me he abandoned. It was everything and everyone that we’d ever known. I hadn’t just lost him. I lost myself and my life as I knew it. To this day, I can barely even bring myself to visit my own family. At home, everywhere I looked, everything I touched, I saw him.
