‘At least someone is…’ Karen confides.
‘Things not great with Dan?’ I sympathise.
‘It’s over.’ She doesn’t flinch, seemingly indifferent to what should have been one of the most upsetting events of her life: calling off her wedding.
‘Is there someone else?’ I ask. To me, it came out of nowhere.
‘No.’ She responds defensively with a hand over her chest.
The funny thing is, I meant had he met someone else, not her. But her guilty reaction leaves me wondering if there’s more to it than she’s actually letting on.
‘What will you do, Karen?’ I was sure she had wanted to marry Dan. Their easy, laid back relationship had given me hope when I felt nothing lasted in this modern world. Above anything else, the two of them were the best of friends. Where did it go so wrong?
‘I don’t know, but I’m excited about not knowing. I’m relieved.’ She sips her merlot, and I marvel at how she’s escaped the devastation that had consumed me for years. Part of me respects her strength, the other part wants to delve into her psyche and ask how.
I long to ask her all the questions that I wish I could have asked Sean at the time. I don’t, of course, it’s a different situation entirely and none of my business. I thought she’d elaborate. We’ve always been close, yet we barely discussed one of the biggest decisions of her life. I try not to analyse it obsessively.
With hindsight, and my new relationship with Callum, I’m beginning to appreciate the humiliation and rejection were the real problems for me. Of course I missed Sean after he left, but I missed being part of a couple more than I actually missed him.
If Callum were to leave me now, it had the potential to be so much more humiliating. Yet, that isn’t the thought that troubles me. The devastation of a life without him is a much worse fate than what any relative, or even the national newspaper, might say about me.
The world works in mysterious ways. As Karen’s relationship ends, mine’s beginning to flourish. Last weekend, I nearly let slip the very three words I’m determined not to say first. They were there, though, hovering in the background, the most natural thing in the world.
I’m glad Karen is happy, truly. Neither of us mentions it’s exactly as Esmerelda predicted, or the fact that I’m apparently destined to marry a man called Patrick. Something I’ve consciously chosen to forget.
If it weren’t for Esmerelda’s silly predictions, would there still be a niggling part of me that worried about allowing Callum to infiltrate every single part of my life?
And then there is the tiny issue of deciding what’s more important: the trip to New York and my career, or my new relationship and my boyfriend’s best friend’s wedding.
Technically, I have to go to the wedding. It was our deal, and Callum held up his end of the bargain. Which is the single reason I’m getting the opportunity in the first place, but surely now we’re a real couple, he won’t actually hold me to it?
