‘Look at these.’ I flash the waistband of the Calvin Klein underwear I have on. ‘These here are my big girl pants. You’re my best friend. You can tell me anything.’ My sentiment’s true, but that doesn’t prevent my surprise.
‘Don’t go getting all mushy on me, Queenan,’ Karen says.
Talk of calling off a wedding might have been awkward for me, once upon a time, but I’ve gotten over it. Clearly not enough to trust another man yet, but even pretend dating Callum’s a step in the right direction. Our new public union’s bound to raise a few eyebrows.
I’m beginning to accept that I can’t avoid men forever. With the physical desires stirred by a certain hot rugby player of late, I’m not sure I want to. Though my heart wouldn’t survive another shattering, neither would my pride. The shame and hurt of having to cancel my own wedding, twelve hours beforehand, had been one of the worst experiences of my life.
‘I’m not going to do anything rash. But it’s better that we talk about it now than afterwards.’ Karen’s says.
‘Make sure you’re both on the same page, that you want the same things out of life.’ I wish I’d had the same opportunity with Sean.
‘Want to meet for lunch on Friday?’ Karen gathers her belongings and stands, ready to make tracks.
‘I can’t. I have this thing with Callum.’ I brush some crumbs from my lap and avoid Karen’s disbelieving stare.
‘What thing might that be? Are you seriously seeing him?’ She scrutinises my face for unspoken clues.
‘It’s a charity fundraiser. All the WAGs are going.’
She almost chokes on the final mouthful of her wrap. I pat her gently on the back and offer her my bottle of Ballygowan.
‘So you’re a WAG now?’
‘Apparently.’ I don’t want to give too much away, even to her.
‘Holy fuck. May I remind you that that man has never slept with the same woman twice?’ She stares at me wide-eyed, as though I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I have.
‘Firstly – how do you know that?’ I challenge her, before adding, ‘and secondly, I haven’t slept with him. Maybe that’s the attraction.’
‘Sorry, he’s never been photographed with the same woman twice,’ she corrects herself, rolling her eyes dramatically. ‘Same difference though… Don’t go falling in love with him for goodness sake,’ she begs. ‘Whatever Sean did to you, Callum Connolly’s in an entirely different league. I don’t want to see you get hurt.’ Her tone’s gentle, but the warning is clear.
And she’s right to offer caution. Because the more time I spend with him, the more I want him. It’s the most unhealthy obsession I’ve ever experienced. And it is growing by the hour. But it’s the one line I won’t cross.
