Don’t deny us entirely.
Show him you’re mine without actually spelling it out for him.
‘What? No, Harrison. Don’t be ridiculous.’ Disgust rings in her cold tone. As if the idea of being with someone like me is so repulsive.
Victoria’s words rip through my insides.
I know we can’t openly admit our relationship yet, so why do I feel like she just did a Judas on me?
25
VICTORIA
Tonight is the hospital fundraiser at the Usher Hall. With lectures done, assignments completed and final exams behind me, I feel like I’m waiting in no man’s land.
The official graduation is weeks away. I’m sure I’ve passed. Not to be egotistical or big-headed, but I put too much work in not to have succeeded.
Sure, there were a lot of parties before Archie arrived, but work was always my priority. I studied day and night, absorbing every detailed fact my greedy eyes could devour.
I should be ecstatic. Finally, I can read romance novels instead of textbooks again, and party all night without fearing being called into work. Though I haven’t been out partying in ages, truth be told. These days, I prefer to scroll through pictures of other people’s nights out, admiring the fashion from the comfort of my boyfriend’s arms.
Change is coming. It makes me uneasy.
The graduation I once looked forward to is now a terrifying reality. In my bubble of placements, lectures, exams and assignments, there was stability, routine and structure.
Now, it’s out into the unknown.
My night terrors are at an all-time high, where I dream of falling into oblivion. I see the faces of the patients I couldn’t save. And Lily-May, who I eventually discovered is now living in a care home in Oban, in the West Highlands of Scotland.
I’m still contemplating what I can do about that.
Archie’s not been himself since Sasha and Ryan’s visit. There’s a distance between us. Well, as much distance as there can be when he’s paid to remain within five feet of me at all times. It’s more like a mental distance. Like the shield’s been half resurrected, and I don’t know why.
He comes to my bed every night. Holds me while I scream in my sleep. The sex has been less frequent. Less frantic. More meaningful, in some respects. Slow and deep and loving. But when it’s over, it’s like he withdraws his feelings along with his man parts.
Fastening tiny pearl studs to my ears, I glance at him in the bathroom mirror where he’s dry shaving next to me. His sculpted skin glistens with residual droplets from his shower. Broad shoulders beg to be touched. The urge to dig my fingernails into his back is primal. Where once I wouldn’t have hesitated, a fear of rejection lingers.
I stand in my lingerie, make-up applied, and hair done. Once he would have leapt on me. ‘Is everything okay between us, Arch?’
I hate that I need his reassurance. I hate that everything is up in the air.
‘Everything is fine.’ Deep topaz lakes shimmer back at me, eyes so blue I could dive straight into them.
‘I was thinking we could do a few weeks around Europe after graduation. Before we return to Ireland. What do you think?’ I ask.
His fingers halt, holding his electric razor an inch from his jaw. ‘It’s entirely up to you. I go where you go.’ He doesn’t exactly sound overjoyed about it.
‘What’s that supposed to mean? I thought we were a team?’ Like an uncontrollable child in a sweet shop, my hands reach for his bare torso, tracing the perfect planes of his six-pack.
‘So did I, Vic, then you started talking about Belfast and I don’t know…’ He places the razor on the gleaming white bathroom countertop, turning to face me.
My eyes search his expression for words he’s not actually saying, but come up blank. Confusion hangs like steam in the air between us. ‘We talked about going back to Ireland, Arch.’
‘Yeah. I thought you meant the Republic of Ireland. Our home. I didn’t realise you meant Belfast.’ A strong hand cups my chin with affection. ‘I didn’t want to bring it up while you were in the middle of your exams, but now they’re over, this is a conversation we need to have.’
‘You know I can’t move back to Huxley castle, not yet. I love my family more than words, but no matter how many children Sasha and Ryan have of their own, I’ll always be treated like one of them. I could study for ten medical degrees and I’ll always be a baby to them. I can’t live like that. Not after everything I’ve achieved at university and living independently. I’d like to be close enough to visit regularly, but not actually living under their roof.’
‘What about my roof?’ Archie’s fingers rake through his dirty blond hair.
