Mel and Libby leave just before midnight. I’m exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically, but it still takes an age to nod off. Lily-May’s face is the last face I see before I fall into a fitful sleep, and it’s the first one I see when I wake up to my own screams ricocheting around the room.
Archie’s comforting arms are wrapped around my thrashing, sweaty body. ‘It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you.’ Strong hands smooth back the hair that sticks to my face.
‘I’m so sorry.’ The night terrors have plagued me for as long as I can remember. In my dreams, I’m falling into an endless darkness. Oblivion. Like the car I was in when it plummeted off the side of a cliff.
It was a miracle I survived. Though I don’t have outward scars like Archie, I can definitely relate to the inner ones he talked about.
Turning on the crumpled sheet, I nuzzle my cheeks against the smooth ridges of his bare chest, the pads of my fingers returning to the uneven scars lining his shoulder. ‘What did you mean earlier when you said you should have given back those medals?’
He exhales, running his fingers through my hair. ‘I’ve never really spoken about it before.’
‘Do you want to?’
‘Not particularly. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I don’t want any secrets between us.’ His sombre words float above my head.
Taking comfort in his arms, I wait silently, willing him to tell me.
He shuffles closer. ‘I’d been in the Middle East for two years. I was the youngest sergeant to make rank. I was surrounded by a great team who were like brothers to me. I had a shitty upbringing, as you know. My mother died in labour and my father couldn’t stand the sight of me. I joined the army to serve and protect my country, to prove my life, and that my mother’s death wasn’t in vain.’
My heart bleeds for him. I can relate.
‘We were days away from leaving the town we’d been stationed at. The locals were safe. The rebels departed. We were over the worst. Or, so we thought.’ He swallows hard through the darkness.
‘I sanctioned an off-the-books spin to a neighbouring town. It was my nephew, Jason’s thirteenth birthday coming up and I wanted to post my St. Christopher pendant to him. The newspapers picked up the story about how the bullet had grazed my pendant and saved my life. They depicted me as some sort of national hero. I wanted Jason to have it.’
I peel my cheek from his chest, our eyes locking through the moonlight. ‘That was noble.’
‘It wasn’t.’ He shakes his head. The moonlight creeping through the cracks in the curtains casts a dim light, revealing a haunted look on his face. ‘That pendant was more than just a pendant to me. It was physical proof my life mattered, even though I’d been responsible for my mother’s death. I wanted him to have it because I knew he’d show my father and prove to him I was a hero, on the off chance he’d missed the media coverage.
‘I was desperate to prove I’d become the man I was always meant to be. But instead, my egotistical selfish joyride put my men at risk. I’m responsible for their deaths, just as much as I’m responsible for my mother’s death.’
His sorrowful eyes reach right in and grab my soul. ‘What happened?’
‘I drove over a landmine. The guys on the left side of the vehicle didn’t stand a chance. I managed to pull out Jones, but he died in my arms shortly after.’
‘Oh my God, Archie. I had no idea.’ My fingers trace the names tattooed across his chest with a newfound understanding. ‘It’s not your fault. You didn’t put that landmine there.’
He swallows hard. ‘I may as well have done for all the difference it makes.’
‘I wish I could crawl under your skin and take away all of your pain.’ The ache in my heart is unrelenting.
‘Baby, you already do. Most of it, anyway.’ Firm lips seek mine in a slow, tender kiss equally full of promise and need.
Nudging me onto my back, he slips between my legs, caressing my mouth with his tongue while his palms roam across my breasts.
Pressing tiny kisses over my collarbone, he whispers, ‘I wear that pendant as a reminder not to break the rules, but now look at me…’ He shakes his head, but the kisses continue tracing lower and lower. ‘I love you, Vic.’
‘I love you, too. I’ve never loved a man before. In fact, I don’t think I really even dated one. They were all boys in comparison. You and I… we’re different. Bending the rules here is different. What harm can come to me with you in my bed?’
Even as the words slip out, I know the answer.
Because the man who protects me is the only man with any real power to hurt me. If he were to decide he couldn’t do this anymore, that he didn’t want me anymore, the pain would be the worst type of agony I could ever imagine.
‘No one is going to harm you, baby. I promise.’
He shifts down the bed, nudging my thighs wider. Wide, smooth lips peck at my skin, dipping lower and lower below my navel until his mouth captures my sweet spot.
‘I’ll never get tired of doing this to you. Of teasing you and tasting you. You’re mine, Vic. No one else is getting near you.’ With every word, his hot breath brushes maddeningly against me.
