‘Seriously, Chloe. We were worried about you out there on your own.’ Sasha says “out there” like I’ve been camping in the Wild West, instead of living the life of luxury and partying with Ruby every weekend.
Is it a luxury, though?
Waking up in Jayden’s arms this morning, feeling safe and loved, was probably the biggest luxury I’ve ever been afforded in my ridiculously privileged life.
In a rare moment of honest reflection, before I can overthink it, I confess, ‘You know, I’ve always found it so hard to be here.’
My sisters bob through the bubbling water, settling on either side of me, each linking an arm. ‘We know.’ They murmur unanimously.
‘I always blamed myself for Mam and Dad’s accident.’ It’s barely more than a whisper, but having said it out loud once to Jayden already, the second time it flows surprisingly easily.
‘Why on earth would you blame yourself?’ Victoria asks.
‘Because I asked them to stop by that stupid takeaway on the coast road on the way home. If they’d have just come straight home, they’d have taken the main road and none of this would have happened.’ I disentangle myself from their arms so I can reach my drink.
Victoria tuts in my ear. ‘That’s utter self-indulgent bollocks, Chloe Sexton, and you know it.’
‘Language, Victoria,’ Sasha chides, but with not nearly as much enthusiasm as usual.
‘What? It’s the truth,’ Victoria says. ‘If Chloe’s thinking that way, then maybe I should blame myself, too? After all, it was my school Christmas concert. If it wasn’t for me, they’d have never left the house that night. Hell, if you want me to slide right down that slippery slope, straight into your pity party, maybe I should also feel guilty for surviving the crash.’
‘Victoria!’ My hand flies to her mouth to stop her uttering another word. ‘How can you even dream of saying such a thing? It wasn’t your fault! It was an accident.’
Victoria settles back against the mosaic tiles of the jacuzzi, lips pursed but tilted upwards with something that looks suspiciously like victory. ‘See? I think I made my point. It was an accident. Enough lives have been wasted. Let’s not ruin ours over it as well.’
Holy fuck. When did my kid sister grow into such an intelligent, articulate adult?
My raised eyebrows meet Sasha’s. She squeezes my arm and shrugs. ‘She should have applied for law, not medicine.’
The three of us burst into shoulder-shaking laughter, huddling into an awkward, but highly gratifying group hug. I laugh and laugh and laugh until I’m crying. Tears of joy. Of release. Of sorrow. And finally, of acceptance.
It wasn’t my fault.
It was a tragedy. But my wise little sister’s right. If we don’t live our lives to the fullest, that will be an even bigger tragedy.
The following night, Victoria’s eighteenth birthday party is in full swing. Ryan’s on stage performing for her friends, most of whom are sporting dresses short enough to show their backsides and wearing more badly applied make-up than a clown. The joys of being a teenager. I don’t miss those years.
A supple arm flicks round my waist as I stand at the bar, one of the few women not enthralled by Ryan’s performance. After not only watching him live five times this year, but planning every leg, I’ve had my fill, and that’s without Slane Castle in a few days’ time.
I scan the room and when I see no one’s watching, I relax, resisting the urge to swat Jayden’s hand away. My heart is so full it’s overflowing. I’m surrounded by everyone I love, and it feels so damn good.
Sneaking around the castle is exciting, but also utterly exhausting. I’ll be glad when we’re out in the open.
I can only imagine the shock Sasha will get when she realises I’ve gone from hating her future brother-in-law to worshiping the ground he walks on. She might be even more shocked to discover the feeling is mutual.
ChapterThirty-Four
JAYDEN
Slane Castle has been hosting rock concerts in Ireland for over forty years, starting with Thin Lizzy and U2 in 1981. Set in the middle of a 1500-acre estate in the heart of County Meath, it’s one of the country’s most sought-after venues. To see my brother headlining tonight after everything we’ve been through, our mother leaving, Dad dragging us out of the country before abandoning us on the streets, is an almost spiritual experience.
Pride swells in my heart, the heart Chloe Sexton ripped from between my ribcage and has claimed as her own.
This is the biggest concert of the tour. We couldn’t give our hometown anything less. Almost a hundred thousand fans coalesce, shrieking, singing and chanting my brother’s name. I can only imagine the buzz he’s feeling, although however transcendent it may be, the high of being with Sasha Sexton obviously trumps it. Now, I can finally understand why.
The stage production is out of this world, as it has been on every other concert in theIt’s Always Been Youtour. Hundreds of thousands of stacked silver records exactly replicate the Giant’s Causeway. The perfectly sculpted replica of the iconic rocks is complete with a forty-foot accompanying water feature.
Ireland’s newest boyband rocks along with Ryan, while Sasha and Victoria watch from backstage, heavily guarded by Ryan’s security.
