CHLOE
Edinburgh
Victoria links my right arm, while Sasha clasps my left, as we stroll the length of Princes Street, with two of Ryan’s security detail discreetly accompanying us from behind. The iconic Edinburgh Castle towers on the horizon, alight with a lilac iridescent glow.
Edinburgh is fast becoming one of my favourite cities. Not only is the Gothic architecture stunning and every street dripping with rich history, but I have no memories of Jayden Cooper here. I’m determined to keep it that way.
With three days before Ryan’s concert, which I’ve already decided I don’t need to attend, I get to spend a few leisurely days with my sisters, shopping, sight-seeing and sourcing a suitable apartment for Victoria.
Hopefully, it’s enough to reassure them I’m not totally broken. I’ll get over my crushed heart in time. A lot of time. I’ll have to because there’s more than just me to think about now.
After gorging ourselves at a sumptuous Italian restaurant, Victoria suggests finding a cocktail bar. It’s a marvellous idea, even if I can’t drink anything myself.
The shock’s just about wearing off. It’s very early days, but Iampregnant.
You couldn’t make it up.
A memory of the first time Jayden and I slept together flashes across my mind.The last thing the world needs is a mini-me in it.
I disagree. The second the doctor confirmed my pregnancy, something burst to life inside of me. A feeling so strong, so powerful that this was fate. Like it was the world’s way of giving me someone to love, now I’ve finally let my barriers down. For a woman who didn’t believe in love, I feel it with every ounce of my being. The crater in my chest is not quite as raw. Hope even sparks at the depths of it at times.
I wouldn’t choose to be a single mother.
Nor would I choose a man who’s engaged to another woman to be the father of my child.
Equally, I wouldn’t undo it. We’ve all learnt the hard way how precious life is and I’m treating this like the gift it is.
For the first time in my life, I can truly comprehend what Sasha lost all those years ago when she miscarried. Because this baby might be barely more than a seed, but already my heart beats purely for the purpose of loving it.
The joy of watching my business expand doesn’t even come close to the elation of being pregnant. I’ve found the missing piece in my life in the most unlikely of places/. That thing I was searching for wasn’t validation. It was purpose.
All of my previous professional ambitions fade to nothing. My new ambition is to be the best mother I can be.
I’ll have to tell Jayden at some point. It’s not as if I can hide it from him, given my sister and his brother are getting married. I’ll probably be showing by the wedding. Of course, when I tell him, it’s going to be a shock to his fiancée. I assume she has no idea he’s been shagging me behind her back, let alone that I’m pregnant. I have about six weeks to come up with a plan, although even if I had six years, it probably still wouldn’t be long enough.
Jayden’s calls have been relentless. I haven’t answered, but I still can’t bring myself to block his number. Even though I don’t answer, a part of me likes to know he’s still thinking of me. That I’m not entirely in this pregnancy alone.
‘Here, let’s try this one.’ Victoria points to a bar nestled on one of the side streets. A pink neon sign lights the windows.
We traipse in in single file, with Sasha leading the way. She’s taken to wearing brown contact lenses when she’s out in public and styling her hair in elaborate up dos that showcase her long slender neck.
She claims it’s so people don’t recognise her but secretly, I think she’s finally getting the time to explore her own style now she no longer has to care for our little sister twenty-four-seven. Whatever the reason, she looks elegant and sophisticated. If she’s hoping to blend in, it’s simply not working.
The girls order three sex on the beach cocktails. I don’t correct them, even though I know I won’t touch mine. When the barman finally finishes mixing the drinks, we take them to a quiet corner with a small table. The two security guards assigned to us hover at the bar.
My phone lights up again. Sasha’s quick eyes glance at the screen before I can hide it.
‘What does Jayden want?’ She places her cocktail on the table.
‘Probably something to do with the concert,’ I lie.
‘Well, shouldn’t you answer it then?’ Sasha says.
‘It can wait.’ I press my lips against the frosted cocktail glass and pretend to take a mouthful.
‘Apparently it can’t.’ She nods at the phone, vibrating on the table. Jayden again.
‘Believe me, it can.’ I reject the call and switch it off. Maybe it’s finally time to block his number after all.
