I need to order dinner, but the thought of asking Conor to cook for Ryan and me feels like sticking a knife in, even though Conor and I have never been together.
To avoid any awkward questions, I ring Megan to arrange the food instead. She’s due to finish her shift in ten minutes, but she never leaves on time.
‘Well? Tell me everything!’ Her shriek practically pierces my eardrum.
‘Hi, to you too.’ I turn the taps on to run a bath and pour in a generous amount of scented salts.
‘Oh, don’t be all coy now, Sasha! The ice-queen routine doesn’t work with me. I need details!’
‘You’ll have them, but not right now.’
‘Oh my god, is he there? Do I hear a bath running?’ I didn’t think it was possible for her voice to get any louder. Clearly, I was wrong.
‘Shh, will you, please! He’s not here, but he asked me to have dinner with him. In his suite.’
‘Oh my god. You are totally going to have sex with Ryan-Runaway-Cooper! Again!’
I pray to god she’s in some quiet corner of the castle – alone. ‘I am not!’
‘Are too!’
‘Am not.’
I’m not planning to, if at all possible. Though I wouldn’t bet my life on it. Especially after the way my body lost control last night.
‘Please, Meg, seriously, I need a favour.’
‘Condoms, right? I think there are some stashed somewhere, I’ll just ask Louise—’
At that prospect, I almost drop the phone into the bath.
‘Don’t you dare, Megan Jane Harper, or I swear to god you won’t be my best friend anymore!’ It’s an ‘in joke’ we’ve used since we were kids.
‘Ok, ok! I was only joking! Keep your knickers on! Or don’t! But either way, I NEED details.’
‘Tomorrow. I promise. But tonight can you get room service sent to Ryan’s suite? I don’t want to have to ask Conor.’
‘Ah.’ Understanding rings in her tone.
‘I know we’ve never been together or anything, but you know better than anyone there’s this underlying energy between us.’
‘He’s gonna be kicking himself he didn’t make a move sooner,’ Megan says with a sigh.
I turn off the bath taps. ‘Honestly, it wouldn’t have mattered either way.’
‘Why? Are you and Ryan getting back together?’
‘No, but the way I feel about him blows everyone else out the water. There’s no comparison. And whether I end up with him or not – which is super unlikely by the way, given the logistics of the situation – I won’t settle for anything less than that feeling. Even if I never find it again.’
With Ryan’s return, so have the enormity of my feelings. I won’t be able to settle for a love that’s less than phenomenal – not when I know it’s out there.
‘You guys did have something sensational. Maybe you could again?’
‘Ah, Meg. It’s complicated. I can’t think straight when I’m around him. I know I should have said no to dinner tonight, I’ve been with him all day, but he’s like my own personal brand of chilled champagne or something. He makes me feel so good. I’m utterly addicted.’
It’s a relief to admit it out loud.
‘You know he feels the same way about you. Give him a chance.’
