There’s always been an underlying attraction with Conor, my gorgeous and exceptionally talented head chef, but neither of us have acted on it. Megan perpetually teases me about it. She swears he’s in love with me, and has been for years. I’m not completely unaware there might be some grain of truth to it.
When Conor first started here he asked me out a couple of times, but it was always under the guise of a joke so I never knew if he was serious or not. Either way, it wasn’t a chance I was willing to take. I needed a chef, and friend, more than anything else.
Now time has passed and the attraction still lingers, but we have such a great friendship, I’d hate to mess it up.
Besides, it has no comparison to the connection I had with Ryan-Runaway-Cooper back in the day. That was intoxicating stuff. Wild horses wouldn’t have stopped me acting on that. It was feral. Though the manageable attraction to Conor is probably far healthier.
Maybe what Ryan and I experienced was just teenage lusty hormones? Maybe adult attraction is supposed to be calmer, slow building?
‘Sasha, are you still there? The screen looks like it’s frozen.’
The screen is fine. It’s me that’s frozen.
‘I’m here. I just don’t know what to say to be honest. I don’t know where to start.’
‘Start at the beginning. Did you see him? Or did you let the minions do your dirty work?’ She sticks her tongue out, knowing her words will get a rise out of me.
‘They’re not my minions, Chloe! You know how much I value each and every one of them.’ I take a deep breath. She might be ruthless in business, but I prefer the staff here to feel like part of the family.
‘Sasha, spill the FECKIN’ beans! Did you see Ryan?’
‘Yes, I saw him.’ Colour floods my cheeks even picturing our brief but heated exchange.
‘And?’ She rubs her hands together expectantly.
‘And what?’ What am I supposed to say? The man is an even bigger ride than ever, speaking of which, that’s all I’ve thought about doing since I laid eyes on him again. Even though part of me actually hates him, I can’t deny the attraction still burns like a forest fire.
I guess I can rule out it being synonymous with being a teenager, because clearly I’m still battling it.
‘Did you talk? Did he apologise? Did he say why he left?’
‘We talked briefly. He didn’t apologise and he didn’t explain why.’ I close my mouth before I can blurt the rest. The part that really shocked me. The part that might potentially allow the rage in my heart to still long enough to even contemplate forgiving him.
Canny as ever, Chloe picks up on my hesitation. ‘What? What else? You were about to say something then before you clammed up again.’
Swallowing hard, I stare at my sister who looks so much like me, but is so wildly different. So much stronger, assertive, less damaged.
‘He didn’t know.’
She leans so far into the screen I’d swear she’s about to crash though it.
‘About Mam and Dad – about the accident. He asked where they were.’
Her sharp intake of breath reminds me that perhaps she’s not as strong as the front she puts on. ‘How could he not know? The night I came to get you… And then it was front-page news in every single paper.’
I shrug. Before I can say any more on the matter, my bedroom door bangs open and Victoria bounds in. I swear, I don’t know where she gets the energy. She was up half the night watching strangers doing random dances on TikTok. Still, I suppose it’s better than what I was up to at her age.
‘Sasha, have you looked out the window?’ Hazel eyes spark with excitement.
Leaping from the bed, I hand Victoria the phone to talk to Chloe, racing to the window. ‘Don’t tell me it’s snowing already? It’s not even December yet. I’ll have to get the paths gritted.’
The fact I can’t afford a lawsuit on top of everything else, is something I deliberately don’t voice. My fingers grip the heavy velvet curtains, yanking them back. Below, the castle is absolutely crawling with people, most of whom are laden down with enormous cameras, circling like vultures hunting for easy prey.
‘What the…?’
Victoria holds the phone up to the window so Chloe can witness the commotion.
Her laugh echoes round the high ceiling of the bedroom that used to belong to our parents. ‘I told you Ryan’s return to Ireland is all over the news! He’s bigger than Bono ever was. And a million times hotter. You need to up your security. Or at least see what he has planned in that department.’
