Being here at Huxley, I’ve enjoyed writing the songs way more than performing them lately.
Perhaps it’s time I bowed out and focused more on that side of things?
It’s not a prospect I have time to consider as Pierce shoulders open the office door, propelling me through it. It slams with a bang a split second before he bellows, ‘enough of this fucking madness. Pull yourself together unless you want to be physically removed from the premises.’
He’s well able to defuse the situation. He’s had plenty of practice over the years and he has Frankie, Archie and Jayden to assist.
The real question is, am I able to defuse the one in here?
Four sets of eyes blister into me, but there’s only one set I meet.
Sasha looks an absolute wreck. Her usual porcelain skin is positively grey. Streaks line the area beneath her puffy eyelids.
Is it possible she knows already? That someone else got to her before I did? When I collected my phone from security I didn’t dare turn it on in case she called because the second she heard my voice she would have known something terrible has happened.
‘Sasha, I need to explain…’ Taking a tentative step towards her, Conor rushes forward blocking the way.
‘What the fuck are you playing at?’ The man looks possessed with a rage I wouldn’t have pegged him as capable of.
‘I had no idea.’ Side-stepping to stand in front of Sasha’s desk, I silently will her to give me the chance to explain at the very least.
Sasha’s wide-eyed gaze is filled with a misty confusion. She inhales a lungful of air and blows it out slowly in an attempt to gather herself.
Chloe lunges forward from behind. ‘You had no idea about what? That you were going to creep out in the middle of the night and fuck off to Dublin airport with your entire entourage? As if, Ryan. If you’re going, just fucking go. Why the hell did you even bother to come back? She got over you once, she’ll do it again.’
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I realise the insensitive idiocy of my actions.
Sasha assumed I left her – again.
She never got over it. She didn’t fully trust what we had. She doesn’t know about my father, not yet at least. Her problem is solely with me at this precise moment in time.
‘I’d never leave you.’ My voice cracks with emotion. I’m three seconds from falling to my knees for this woman because whatever she’s judged me for, it’s about to get a whole lot worse.
Swallowing a fresh lump of bile, I turn to Chloe, James and Conor. ‘Can we have the room please?’
‘No,’ Conor and Chloe voice unanimously.
Sasha’s yet to utter a word.
‘Please.’ My eyes bore into hers and hers alone. I need to talk to her, I need to make her understand, even if she can’t forgive the situation it’s imperative that she knows I would never willingly leave her. That no sane man would. That she’s the most important person in the world to me, even if she can never reciprocate those feelings.
One subtle nod creates chaos.
‘Sasha, don’t let him suck you in again. He can’t be trusted,’ Conor warns.
Chloe reaches over the desk to offer a supportive squeeze to her sister. ‘I’ll be just outside the door.’
James clears his throat in an awkward fashion. ‘Do you still want me to text Bono?’
Sasha’s nostril flare and she glowers at me. ‘Are you planning on making an appearance at the ball tonight, or did you simply forget something?’
Does she seriously think I’d let her down on one of the biggest nights of her life?
‘Of course I’ll be at the ball, if you still want me there…’
A flicker of curiosity crinkles her eyebrows and she turns to James. ‘I think we should be ok, but thank you. You never let me down.’ Gratitude glints in her irises, but I don’t miss the dig she shoots in my direction.
I deserve it.
