Though I have no idea what he’s about to come out with, I already know it’s going to be life-altering for all of us, and not in a good way.
Jayden isn’t quite so sharp on the uptake. He rolls his eyes and slams his fist on the desk making all of jump. ‘For fuck’s sake, Dad, it’s not like you killed anyone…’
‘That’s just it, son.’ His eyes intensively bore into mine and a sickening understanding rips through me.
Rocketing from the table, I bomb straight out the door, swallowing down the bile welling ominously in my chest.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-FIVE
SASHA
Shock is as debilitating as a physical injury. My limbs won’t move, bar the tremble that shakes relentlessly through them.
Even though every atom of energy inside recognised Ryan’s disappearance was serious, witnessing it on television invokes another level of suffering.
What happened?
What did I do to drive him away? Again.
To not even take his belongings. For fuck’s sake, I know the man isn’t stuck for money but come on! What the actual fuck?
Combing through memories of the night before, I dissect every sentence he uttered, every distracted haunted look in his eyes. Sure, the whiskey relaxed him enough to make love to me – fuck that, you don’t make love to someone and run out on them in the middle of the night. It might have been love for me, but he fucked me and fucked off when I need him the most – again.
Every instinct inside me warned me not to trust him. Warned me not to get caught up in his enthralling charisma, again.
But I couldn’t resist those huge, borderline black eyes, loaded with enough heat to spark a forest fire in the depths of Dublin’s December snow.
That enormous physique that promised strength, support and so much fucking pleasure.
What he’s done to me again is monstrously cruel.
He’s the first man I let into my life, into my family and into my bed in ten years, and he’s hurt me the exact same way he did the last time. Actually, it’s worse, because the first time I had a childish sense of naivety, this time he wooed me with heartfelt lyrics loaded with promises he had no intention of keeping.
Fuck, is that it? It took him a few weeks but he finally managed to squeeze enough material to write the rest of his albums and now he’s discarded me again.
He told me he hadn’t felt anything for anyone in years. Did he use me to witness first-hand what emotion looks like so he could capture the very essence of how painful and powerful love can be for his songs?
I should have known it was too good to be true. A rockstar, in love with me? It’d be funny if it wasn’t so fucking tragic. I only have myself to blame. I let my wants and desires override any sense of reality.
Ryan and I are from different worlds now.
Hugging my knees to my chest, I rock back and forth on the very couch he composed his wretched songs on. He’s everywhere. Memories of him haunt every corner of this castle now. What he’s done is utterly unforgivable.
Megan returns from the kitchen area and hands me a mug full of steaming black coffee.
‘I put two sugars in it for the shock.’ Dropping next to me on the couch, she clutches her own mug, staring blankly over its rim. Whatever she’s seeing, it’s not in this room.
I can’t even manage to utter a thank you.
Chloe’s switched the television off and is busy pacing the floor. The rain’s subsided and weak rays of winter sunlight bathe the room, yet I can’t feel a flicker of warmth.
Overwhelming grief etches into my soul, searing every inch of me. I want to scream. Or lash out. Or something. But it’s utterly pointless.
Chloe’s pacing finally comes to an abrupt standstill a foot in front of the couch. Her jaw’s set so tight she’s at risk of cracking a molar.
‘You know, if I ever seen Ryan Cooper again Iwillstring him to the old oak tree beside the cabin they used to live in and tear him to pieces agonisingly, limb by limb, but I hate to remind you that today, we’ve got more urgent matters to attend to.’
She’s right.
