Closing the door behind us, I slip off my microphone and place it on the vanity table. Technically, we’ve finished filming for the week. I slip behind the tri-screen frosted glass, bringing with me the black long-sleeved maxi dress I’d worn here earlier.
‘Need a hand?’ Ben calls, just as I’m struggling with the awkward zipper on my costume.
I think he’s proved himself at this stage. And with the dances we’ve been doing, there’s only a few places on my body that he hasn’t already touched, so it seems futile to be prudish now I actually do need his help.
‘Sure.’ I half step out from the screen, and he half steps in. His warm fingers brush against my spine as he effortlessly unzips me. A throaty moan rumbles in his throat, as he steps away from me.
‘Marcus is one lucky fucking man.’ His eyes raise to meet mine, as I clutch the front of the costume to prevent him getting a complete eyeful.
‘Huh. Try telling him that.’ It’s out of my mouth before I’ve even thought about it.
‘Trouble in paradise?’ Ben crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the wall beside me. His voice is low and full of sympathy as he gazes across the length of my bare back before returning to my face.
‘I shouldn’t have said anything. Especially not to you, it’s not right.’ Pulling the maxi dress over my head, I look at him pointedly to give me some privacy to finish changing.
‘Who is she?’ he asks, when I emerge from behind the screen looking like my old self, even if I don’t feel like her.
‘Who’s who?’ I know exactly what he means, but it’s important he spells it out for me so I can be in no doubt.
He raises his hands in an unspoken apology. ‘It’s none of my business… I just hate seeing you so down, Shelly. You’re normally a beacon of light, and I’m not just referring to your taste in neon clothing.’
Perching on the vanity stool in front of the mirror, I reapply my lipstick and wipe away a fleck of stray mascara. I know I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help myself. Ben has known Marcus for years. Even longer than I have. He knows maybe better than I do what he is, or isn’t, capable of. And that question, ‘who is she?’ niggles me. Maybe he knows something. Maybe that’s why Marcus didn’t want me paired up with Ben.
‘You ever heard the name Maddy before?’ It’s barely more than a whisper as I glance at the camera above the closed door. Our contract stipulated we won’t be recorded after the performances, affording us a tiny bit of peace to commiserate or congratulate each other, yet the red light still flashes. I glance at my microphone on the desk and double check it’s off. Worst case scenario, they have a picture and no words.
‘Maddy?’ Ben shakes his head, but it’s not exactly convincing. ‘I don’t want to alarm you, Shelly, but we met so many women on tour, it’s hard to remember all of them. I know that makes me sound like a total douche, but we were young and mostly single and there was no reason not to…’
My mouth opens, blurting the question I know I shouldn’t ask, yet am compelled to anyway. ‘Did Marcus ever…?’ My throat is dry, my voice cracking with a rawness that scalds my soul.
Ben crosses the room and drops a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it in a supportive touch. ‘I honestly don’t know, Shelly. Women threw themselves at all of us. He had ample opportunity. I’m not saying he took advantage of that, only that I don’t know either way. I heard the rumours over the years, but he’d be a fucking fool to cheat on you, Shelly.’ A wistful look fills his ice blue eyes. ‘If you were mine…’
The rest of his sentence lingers unfinished in the air between us. His hand remains on my shoulder as I wipe away a stray tear.
Standing, I grab a tissue from the box on the vanity table and dab my eyes. ‘Shots. I think we all need a few shots after tonight.’
‘Now that’s the Shelly I know and love.’
Love? He obviously means it in a platonic way… but that night… I push the memory down again, dangerously close to remembering everything. I don’t want to think about that now.
He ushers me towards the door and flicks the light switch off. The last thing I see is the tiny red dot over the doorway on our way out.
