After a brief hesitation, I divulge the details. They’re practically bursting out of me as it is. ‘It’s going really well, perfect actually. And I’ve got a feeling I might end up on one of those website testimonials yet!’
‘Holy fucking shit, girl! Get over here and tell me all about it. I have wine, chocolate, and Alex is going out with his cousin.’
‘Not Brendon the bore?’ I groan.
‘The one and only. He still asks about you. And Eddie for that matter.’ She tuts. ‘At least you won’t have that problem with Ollie.’
I have to agree. He respects my brother enough to want to be honest with him, but not enough to put Eddie’s feeling above mine. I really do think I’m on to a winner with him. As crazy as it sounds, the prospect of us getting married one day seems like it has real potential, although maybe not in a few months. I’m ninety-five per cent certain he’s joking. It’s a sexy fantasy for us to indulge in when we’re getting down to business.
Turns out I am not a goody two shoes at all. I’m only discovering who I am now, with Ollie. I like it when he’s possessive. I love the idea that he doesn’t want anyone else touching me. Never in my life have I felt so special or desired.
Someone calls ‘Mammy’ in the background and the shattering of glass tears Geri’s attention away.
‘I’ve got to go, Amy. Come over tonight. I need details!’
‘I can’t. I have another date.’ I stick my tongue out again, knowing she’ll explode with curiosity.
‘Tomorrow then?’ The sound of a bristle brush scratching against the floor makes me wince.
‘I can’t tomorrow. Mam’s doing Sunday lunch for the clan.’
‘Are you bringing him home to meet the outlaws?’ The sweeping stops while she waits for an answer, I picture her mouth open and giggle.
‘Not a chance. This one’s a keeper and I don’t want Eddie or the rest of my mad lot terrifying him before we’re official.’
‘Next Saturday then. I need details, Amy!’
One of the twins wails again in the background and I shout good luck before ending the call.
* * *
The Sunday morning sun shines lazily through the horrific lilac curtains that I still haven’t gotten round to taking down yet. If I’m honest, it’s not that I haven’t got round to it, it’s more that when Mam arrives to visit, she won’t be offended to see I’ve ditched them. Despite my best intentions to be adult enough to put my own wishes first, the thought of upsetting her or going against the grain doesn’t sit well with me, despite my behaviour with Ollie – my sort-of-secret fiancé. Besides, I might need Mam as an ally sometime soon.
Ollie stirs next to me, his tank-like torso spread vertically across my too-small bed. It’s only been a couple of months, but already I can’t imagine my life without him. Perhaps it’s because he hasn’t given me the chance to. We’ve ended up in each other’s beds nearly every single night since the first time. Truthfully, there’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be. Sadly, today there’s somewhere else I have to be.
Sunday lunch with the Harringtons is always a big affair. Mam goes to a ridiculous amount of trouble, cooking enough to feed an entire army – which is exactly what my family looks like when they all congregate with their partners and children in the house we grew up in. I both love and loathe these lunches.
I appreciate having everyone together. I like running round with the kids, playing chase and hide and seek. I love the easy banter between my siblings, how we can share a drink and reminisce about childhood memories. But I loathe how they still treat me like a child, like I still belong in that house. I loathe the empty feeling inside when they’re all sat next to their respective partners and I’m expected to squash on to the kids’ table to eat because ‘Amy, won’t mind, sure she’s practically one of them’. It’s always said with a light tone and a laugh but many a true word is said in jest. And of course, I’ve never once disagreed with them.
Before Eddie met Emma, we used to chase the kids together. Now it’s just me, the spare part, not quite fitting in at either table.
A hand snaking across my waist pulls me back to the present. He traces my stomach, drawing small tender circles round my belly button, each sweep reaching wider and lower.
‘Do you want kids one day?’ His voice is sleepy and his eyes remain on my bare stomach.
‘Good morning to you too!’ I laugh, fingers tracing the length of his bicep as he turns onto his side, propping a hand under his head and resting his elbow on the pillow next to me.
‘I thought I better ask, you know, seeing as we’ve only got a few more months before we make the biggest commitment of our lives.’ His tone is jovial and the glint in his eyes is devilish. Heisjoking. But what a lovely fantasy.
‘Yes, I want kids.’ I roll onto my side, facing him. He continues to circle my skin. ‘Do you want kids?’
‘I’ve never given much thought to it before, but yes, I think I do.’ His deep soulful eyes meet mine, exposing a slight vulnerability.
‘Let’s hope they get your hair.’ My fingers run over the firm stubble of his head. ‘Because this curly mop is a nightmare.’ I pull a spiral out tight so it’s straight and long, before letting it loose to spring back to the position I can never tame.
Ollie laughs. ‘Oh, Amy, our kids will be fecked in that department. Why do you think I shave my head each week? If I let it grow I’d have more ringlets than Goldilocks.’
‘Seriously?’ A giggle gurgles in my throat and I wonder how it’s possible that I’m in bed with the man seems to understand my bodyandmy brain, and we’re content enough to be discussing the possibility of children.
