Sensing his hesitancy, Ella said, “Go ahead.Ask me whatever you are dying to ask.”
“It’s just, are you sure?”he asked.
Ella gave him a look that told him what she thought of that question.“Of course, I am sure.I told you.I went to the doctor to get an IUD.Before they can do that, they give you a pregnancy test to make sure you aren’t pregnant.When my first test came back positive, the doctor did a second test.I am most definitely pregnant.”
“But how?You had a period.I distinctly remember you telling me you got your period.”Ben did not know much about periods and babies, but he knew enough to know that if you had a period, that meant you weren’t pregnant.
Shrugging her shoulders, Ella replied, “Well, I am no expert on this, but according to the doctor, it was probably implantation bleeding.According to her, I am due around the middle of June.”
Falling back into the matching side chair across from the sofa, Ben stared off into space as he said, “A baby.A real baby.We are going to have a real baby.How did this happen?”As soon as the words left his mouth, Ben wanted to pull them back in.He knew exactly how this happened.That darned time in the shower.He knew that she knew it too.Dropping his head in his hands, he said, “Ella, I am so sorry.This is all my fault, isn’t it?”
Ella, who was lying on the couch with her arm thrown over her eyes, did not respond at first.When she did, she quietly said, “I asked the doctor about that.Like when was it most likely that I got pregnant.She said that while unprotected sex is most likely the culprit here, it is also just as likely that it happened any one of the other times we did it with a condom, so don’t beat yourself up too badly.We made this baby together.”Ella was not sure she actually felt as forgiving as she sounded, but what she told him was the truth.They had no way of knowing when it happened.Just that it had.So whether she liked it or not, the time for blame was over.She just might have to remind herself of that a lot in the coming days.
Ben gave Ella a grateful smile.“That’s really kind of you to say, but I will always feel like this was my fault.I should have protected you better.”
“Well, what is done is done.The question now is what are we going to do about it?”Ella’s voice was flat and lacked the warmth Ben had come to associate with it.
“Do?”asked Ben.They would do what one does when one gets pregnant with a baby.He had just assumed they would have it and raise it together.After all, Ella was technically a college graduate, and he would finish his master’s degree in May.It wasn’t as if they were high school kids with no education and no money.His first father, Tommy, and later his biological father, Bennett, had made sure that Ben was set financially where he could take care of his responsibilities.He wasn’t rich like his parents, but he could support them.
Looking at Ella, it suddenly occurred to Ben that she might not want to have the baby.He had not even considered that.From what she had shared with him, he had assumed her religious beliefs would keep her from even considering terminating the pregnancy.But what if that was not the case?Maybe he was wrong.That thought left him reeling.He believed in a woman’s right to choose, but at the moment, he wondered if the father had a right to choose as well.
Swallowing hard, Ben asked, “So…” he hemmed and hawed, “What are you thinking?Are you planning on having the baby?Or something else?”He did not say what that something else might be.He could not bring himself to say the wordabortionout loud.Until that moment, he had never thought of the whole abortion thing as anything other than a legal right.Suddenly, when it was his child being considered, it became so much more.
Ella sat up so quickly, she almost fell off the couch.“What do you mean ‘or something’?Are you saying that you want me to get rid of it?”If that was what he wanted, she would get up right now, walk out of this apartment, and never look back.
“No!”Ben said quickly.“That is not what I am saying.”Running his hands through his hair, he added, “I am just trying to figure out where your head is.What are you thinking?”
Falling back on the couch as if this conversation was too much for her, Ella again covered her eyes and said, “I honestly have thought of nothing but this for the past twenty-four hours.All I have come up with is that no matter what we do, our lives are going to radically change.Life as we know it is over.”
Ben could not disagree with that.He nodded his agreement and asked, “Okay, I get that, but come on, you have a day’s head start on me processing this.What are you leaning toward?Keeping it and raising it, keeping it and giving it away, or…” he hesitated, almost unable to say the words, “Or getting rid of it?”
For a moment, Ella said nothing.Keeping her arm over her eyes, she quietly answered, “Keeping it and raising it.”
“Oh, thank God!”replied Ben.“I am pro-choice, but today, the only choice I want is the one that keeps our baby safe.”
Ella smiled to herself.Ben had not let her down.He was proving to be the man she believed him to be.So far in this painful conversation, they had already crossed a mighty hurdle by agreeing to keep the baby.
Clapping his hands together, Ben stood and said, “Well, okay then that is settled.I know we have many more important decisions to make about our future, but right now, I am starving.”
Lifting her arm from her eyes, Ella looked up at Ben and laughed.“You are always starving.”How she could find anything funny at a time like this was unbelievable.But there it was.Ben, just being Ben, had made her laugh.And with just one laugh, she already felt better.
Hearing Ella laugh, Ben smiled.“Yes, I am always hungry.I am a growing boy.Check.Make that a growing Daddy.I need food.What do you say if I run out and get us something to eat?We should not make life-changing decisions on an empty stomach.”He grabbed his wallet and keys, which he had dropped on the entryway table, then turned back to Ella.“I am not sure what pregnant women can eat.Does food even appeal to you?I don’t want to make your sickness worse.I am flying solo in the dark here.What do you think?I need food.Do you want me to go and pick you up something too when I get myself something or not?”
Thinking about it, Ella shrugged and said, “I could eat.”
Ben could not imagine how someone who had been as sick as she had been could eat anything, but he was willing to get anything that might make her feel better.“Great!What would you like?”
Ella thought for a minute, then shrugged.“I know this is going to sound crazy, but could we get some tater tots with cheese and a hot dog with the works?”
Ben was stunned.The last few months all he had seen Ella eat was healthy foods.Usually she stuck to a diet of super healthy meals made from fresh ingredients.He had expected her to ask for a bland soup.But, no, she wanted tater tots and a loaded dog.But who was he to judge?She was growing a human.If she wanted junk food, junk food she would have.
Ben gave Ella his signature salute and said, “Okay, hotdogs with the works and tater tots.Anything else?”
“Don’t forget the cheese.I would also love a lemon-lime soda if they have one.Get me a really big one.I can sip on it all day.”
Ben nodded.He had never known Ella to drink soda either.“Got it,” he said as he headed for the door.“You stay here and rest.I will be right back.”
Ella nodded, closed her eyes, and drifted off for a quick catnap.
