Before meeting Ben, Ella would have said she would most definitely be a virgin on her wedding night.Now she was not so sure she could hold out that long.She had been taught from an early age that intimacy was only for marriage.Letting go of a belief you have held for so long was hard.She knew that if she allowed herself to sleep with Ben, and they broke up, it would really mess with her head and possibly her heart.She had not yet figured out how to take their relationship to the next level while still protecting herself.So she did not bring up the subject of where she would stay.She needed time to work it all out in her mind.
On Thursday, before Ella was to leave for her class on Friday, she and Ben finalized their plans for the weekend.Ella had wisely decided not to tell her parents anything about her upcoming plans.She might be nineteen and about to graduate from college, but her mother would find a way to squash whatever plans had been made.She would never understand how Ella could be so willing to meet some boy she had only met two weeks before for a weekend and stay in his room.And that was exactly what Ella had decided to do.
After two weeks of wrangling with it, she made peace with herself.She would stay with Ben.She wasn’t sure she was going to give him her v-card, but they were only going to get a small amount of time together.He was driving more than four hours to see her and renting a hotel room as well.It was the least she could do to stay with him and make the most of their time together.
Ben reserved a room at a small inn in Moonstone Beach next door to the Moonstone Bar and Grill, where he also made dinner reservations for them at 9:00.When Ella told Ben she would be staying with him, she could literally hear the excitement in his voice.
While they had been sharing all the various pieces of their lives over these past two weeks, they had also been sowing the seeds of future intimacy.Conversations had slowly become more intimate as the days passed.At first, Ella was caught off guard and did not know how to respond when Ben asked direct questions about her dating and sexual experience.Later, she came clean that he had been her true first date and all of her experiences had been with him.She had left him speechless.A few days later, he brought the subject back up by asking her very personal, intimate questions about how she found her own pleasure and what she liked.It was during this conversation that Ella had to remind her naive self that they were both adults and some level of sexy talk was not only expected but appropriate.Even still, she felt out of her element and struggled to answer him.
Ella also would have liked to be able to ask Ben about his past.But something held her back.Yes, part of her wanted to know everything about him.But another part of her just wanted to leave the past buried.She was not sure she could stand to hear about him with other girls.Even as she resisted these conversations, Ella knew they were laying the groundwork for the future.Whether they were together this time or sometime later, if they were to progress, they were going to need to know everything about each other and be comfortable baring themselves fully.All of it left Ella wary and unsure of herself.
Knowing she needed help to navigate this unfamiliar territory, Ella took a huge leap of faith and sought out her older, divorced cousin Julia, telling her all about Ben and their upcoming plans.To say that Julia had been stunned speechless would be an understatement.Ella had never shown any interest in dating much less sex.But to her credit, Julia listened carefully to everything Ella had to say before offering any advice.Wrapping Ella in a comforting, sisterly hug, Julie told her how happy she was that Ella felt safe enough to talk to her.Without any sign of judgment, Julia set about helping Ella take back some of the emotional control that she so obviously felt like she was losing.
“To begin with,” Julia cautioned Ella, “if you are uncomfortable talking to Ben about your body, you might not be ready to share it with him.”
Ella replied, “You are right, but I am an adult.I graduate from college in a few weeks.I should be able to handle conversations like this without freaking out.And right now, I am freaking out.”
Realizing that whether or not Ella and Ben ever ended up having sex, someday she would do it with somebody, and there were things she needed to think about before that day ever came, Julia said, “I agree.My sister Josie told me something that I am going to tell you.Who you choose to share your body with and when you choose to do it is up to you.No one gets to make those decisions for you.”
Giving her a strange look, Ella asked, “What does that even mean?”
“It means no means no, and even if you decide at the last possible moment that you want out, that is okay,” Julia said.“No one has the right to pressure you into something you are not ready for.Does that make sense?What you get, when you get it, and how much you get is up to you.Your future partners will be in a better position to please you if you know exactly what you like and what you don’t.No one would ever be able to tell you that.That is something you will have to decide for yourself.”
“Wow.That is a lot to think about,” replied Ella thoughtfully.
“There’s more,” added Julia.“The only way to have safe, enjoyable sex is to know as much about your partner as possible.That includes past sexual history, any medical issues, and any information that would aid each partner in making it better for the other.”Julia instinctively knew that Ben was someone special for Ella to be planning to spend the weekend with him, and she added, “Ben must mean a lot to you.I want you to know that the fact he is asking intimate questions is a good thing.”Smiling and giving her cousin a wink, she added, “You are lucky to have a guy who is interested in pleasing.Many guys are not.”
Giving Ella a look, Julia asked, “What about birth control?”
Ella shook her head no.She was embarrassed to admit that it had not even crossed her mind.She had assumed that Ben would take care of that.Julia went to her bathroom and came out with a handful of condoms.Handing them to Ella, she said, “It is never a good idea to leave family planning to the guy.Smart, intelligent women like us come prepared.”
Julia’s attention next turned to clothes.“Have you given thought to what you will wear?”
Ella replied, “I have picked out a simple summer dress with sandals.”
Julia roared with laughter.“Not what you are going to wear to dinner, sweetheart.What are you going to wear to bed?”
Ella blanched at another area she had not given a second thought.A prickle of doubt began to worm its way into Ella’s thoughts.Maybe she was not up to this type of relationship.If questions about pleasure and lingerie had her running, maybe this whole thing was not for her.
Sensing that Ella was about to cop out of the weekend because of fear, Julia took her by the hand and walked her over to her dresser.There she began going through a drawer full of sexy lingerie.“Okay, let’s find something for you to wear.”Julia began throwing one sexy outfit after another over her shoulder, making a huge mess as she scavenged through the drawer.Looking at the garments flying through the air, Ella thought she was going to throw up.
Seeing Ella’s face, Julia said, “Breathe, Ella.It is okay.It is just bits of lace and fringe.Trust me, it is more for him than for you.It is not very comfortable, but the good news is you won’t have to wear it very long.”
Finally, Julia landed on a pale pink, two-piece babydoll set.Holding it up for Ella to see, Julia said, “This is the one.You are going to knock his socks off.”It was silky but not sheer, and it offered enough coverage that Ella just might wear it.
“Thank you,” Ella replied.“Who knows, with a couple of glasses of wine, I might even put it on.”Ella laughed as she said it, but she was dead serious.It would definitely take a few glasses of vino to get her out of her sundress and into that skimpy outfit.
Laughing at her cousin’s comment, Julia said, “Well, this completes your first sexual tutorial.Been waiting my whole life to teach you and your enormous brain something you did not already know.”
“Ha, ha,” replied Ella, used to her siblings and cousins teasing her about her intelligence.After stuffing the pink outfit and condoms into her purse, Ella gave her cousin a hug goodbye.“Thanks again for everything.I really appreciate it.I assume it goes without saying that you know nothing about any of this.”Ella pointed to her purse.“Or anything about this weekend.I will tell my folks when I am ready.But you know how they are.”
Nodding, Julia said, “I got you, girl.Have a good time.And make good choices.Or in your case, bad choices.”
They both laughed because Ella had never yet made a bad choice.She prayed that staying with Ben would not be her first.
The next day when Ella left for San Luis Obispo, she had the condoms and sexy sleepwear tucked safely into her suitcase.She felt a small flare of guilt when she lied to her mom and told her she was going to stay over Saturday night so her group could work on their project.Ella knew her mom assumed that she was staying with the friend whom she always stayed with.Pushing away all guilt, Ella comforted herself with the thought that she would soon be with Ben again, and any lie that brought them together had to be worth it.
Chapter 6
