“Still, I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted. I wish…well, adults make mistakes too. I should have fought harder to go with you when Dawson picked you up. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
My eyes fill with tears again. “I don’t think I would have let you. I’m also sorry I didn’t make it easy for you. I knew I was acting out, and I couldn’t seem to stop. You were so kind, so forgiving, and you didn’t have to be. I was just your son’s girlfriend. And a bad one at that. I know you wouldn’t have chosen me for your son, someone so broken.”
“We are all of us broken,” says Jules. “And that I was able to provide one more kid with a safe place with us,that’swhat mattered to me.”
I sniffle and reach for the napkin dispenser. I dab my eyes, then blow my nose and laugh a little at myself at how loud it sounds.
She purses her lips in thought. “Logan was so lost in high school. Looking back, I can see that you were more than just a girlfriend to him—you were a lifeline that helped pull him out of his ass.”
I choke out a laugh. “Jules!”
“It’s true. He was so angry and hadn’t come into his own yet. You helped to bring him out of that, inviting him to step out of his comfort zone.” She pauses to sip her coffee again, then gives me a stern look. “Granted, I wish some of your antics hadn’t included so much breaking and entering, Sierra.”
“Yeah,” I laugh, embarrassed. “The good news is I’ve stopped doing illegal things. So, yay?”
“That is comforting to hear.” She smiles wryly. “Now, aboutLogan. What kind of nosy, interfering bitch would I be if I didn’t at least try once to meddle?”
I laugh and press my hands to my warm cheeks.
“So here it is,” she says briskly. “My son is very much in love with you, and he’s hurting. You’re hurting. You both blame yourselves for what happened instead of each other. That’s actually a very good start. That is, if you want to reconcile.”
“It’s not him I don’t want,” I confess. “I—I just don’t think anyone will ever be able to overlook what I did. With John Hillerman.”
“Do you think that’s what I see when I look at you?”
I look away.
“I see a young woman who’s overcome tremendous odds and still wants to experience the beauty around her,” she says gently. “Someone who knows what she wants and makes it happen, while making it fun for everyone around her. How can you not see how people light up when you walk into a room?”
Now I’m ugly-crying. I wipe my tears, but it’s useless. “Oh, Jules. You’ve always been too nice.”
“Not at all. And I can tell you want to believe what I’m telling you. I tell my kids there’s no point in lying to me—I’m better at detecting the truth than a polygraph machine. The FBI wanted to hire me, but they couldn’t match my Arizona public education salary.” Her dimples pop as her eyes twinkle with amusement.
“And the prestige,” I joke weakly. “How much cooler is a high school guidance counselor than an FBI agent?”
“Exactly,” she says, smiling. “Now, I’ll repeat it until it finally sticks—you are more than your mistakes, Sierra. Making mistakes, big or small, is part of life and growing up. We allmake mistakes. And you, my dear, are so, so much more than the mistakes you made seven years ago.”
Jules stands and drops some cash on the table, ignoring my protests that I can pay. “Whether you end up with my son or not,” she says, “I hope you realize your past doesn’t hold you back.”
I give her a few minutes to leave before I bolt for Clunker. I climb into my bed and finally let myself break.
Didn’t she know how much it hurts to have someone believe in me like this? Oh, but it isn’t fair to blame just her. Logan too. The salon ladies. Cynthia. They’re all too kind, too stubborn in their faith in me—and I don’t deserve it.
I wipe my face and look around Clunker. She doesn’t look like much, but I see every drop of blood, sweat, and tears. Every dime, every hour, every ache, every bruise, every callus—proof of my dedication to a life I chose.
God damn her, she’s right. Ihaveaccomplished a lot.
How much more could I do if I stopped letting shame control me?
For the first time, I let myself daydream about the life I could have. A loving boyfriend. A supportive community. A career helping people find their potential. A home. Maybe even a family. A little baby with Logan’s blue eyes and dimpled smile.
The only thing stopping me is shame.
Is the shame of what I did seven years ago stronger than my love for Logan? Stronger than the life I want? No, Jules is right. I can’t let it hold me back.
If I leave within the hour, I can still make it in time for the Blackstone Legacy event.
