“Yeah, but is that why you’re here?Or are you hiding from me?We should talk.”
“Actually, it’s not a rainbow.It’s an optical prism.The flat surface refracts the light, and the combined colors form what appears to be a rainbow.However, if the light combines with the mist produced by Christie’s watering system, a real rainbow is possible.”
“That’s not what I meant by talking.”
“I don’t want to talk,” she says before breaking the short silence a moment later with, “Is Olly okay?”
Her question reminds me to check my phone.I haven’t missed any calls or messages, but I turn up the volume just in case.“He’s at my parents’ and eating his weight in ice cream.He picked green for his cast for you and the garden… He’s a kid.He made a mistake.Accidents happen.”
“Yes, especially around me,” Venus returns quietly.She sits up to gulp her drink, which she promptly refills.
Her words circulate through dimly lit hallways in my memories—Mom used to say that to her, snidely, off-handedly, half-joking and half-serious.“Venus, whatever Mom said doesn’t matter.”
“All Venus ever does is hurt Henry,” she says, almost robotically.“Those were her words to Dadthatnight.Today felt like being dragged through it again.I still can’t… I’ll never get overthatnight.”
My hands fist as my anger toward Mom sharpens, especially with Venus’s resigned voice.The battle she faced then becomes clearer—her trying to bethatgirl for me, saying yes to our future, our prom, even buying the dress, while Mom’s words broke her heart and twisted her hopes into the dirt.
“I ran from you—you, the safest place I’ve ever known—because I couldn’t tell you how I felt?—”
“You ran because you felt trapped,” I correct gently.
The memory takes hold with the wordtrapped.Our lovely night together, Venus and I on the tailgate, stargazing and making out.Then, her entire demeanor shifted at the mention of prom and doing normal couple things, like she was overwhelmed with the future I’d mapped for us.I remember her nerves, her bracelets jingling as she twiddled them, and finally that uneasy, desperate look on her face—the same look she has right now.
“I knew it wasn’t safe to run out on those rocks, knew you’d chase me,” she says, like she’s reliving the memory with me.“It was reckless.Stupid and reckless.”
“It was a mistake.You were eighteen.”
“It was careless impulsivity.I-I slipped and fell in.”Her trembling hand lifts to her head, rubbing her temple like she still feels the impact from the rock she hit on her way into the water.The same impact Olly felt today.
“It was an accident.It could’ve happened to anyone.”
She gasps like she can’t breathe, like the dark sea is swallowing her again.“No, not anyone,” she says between labored breaths.“Anyone else would’ve stayed with you, would’ve been grateful and excited about prom, college, and a life together.I-I ruined it, ruined us, almost lost you.”
“I jumped in after you—it was my choice, and I’d do it again.”
“You nearly died!”she yells.
A chill creeps up my spine, remembering the dive into the inky water, unable to see, and my frantic search.I still feel her cold fingertips grazing mine, so gently, before I grabbed onto her with urgent force.And the relief I felt when I had her against my chest.
“I think that’s why I jumped into the ocean so many times aboard that ship,” she confesses.“I wanted you to find me again.”
She’s crying now, and my chest constricts with the memory.
Latching onto her.
Dragging her to the surface.
The agonizingly slow swim to shore with one arm wrapped around her.
On the beach, she found her breath again, while I lost mine in the exertion of it.Wheezing, panicking, gasping for air that I couldn’t find—that I’m losing now—and still, nothing mattered except saving her.
“You should’ve let me drown,” she says.“Sometimes, I wish you had.”
“Never wish that again.”My voice is harsh, raspy.I reach into my pocket for my inhaler, and my lungs open in a breath.“Never, Venus.”
I remember her frantic search for my inhaler that I lost, saving her, choking for air, and her yelling,“Breathe, Henry.Just breathe!”
She sets her drink down and pulls her knees to her chest, tightening herself into a ball.“I can’t help it.You saved me, but you almost died.Holding you in my arms on that beach, begging you to breathe.I honestly didn’t think you’d?—”
