"He came to the library yesterday. First time."
I can feel her looking at me. I can feel my face heating. I am aggressively alphabetizing and I will not be drawn out.
"He seemed different yesterday. Not in a bad way, just… " June pauses. "Quieter. Like the volume got turned down on him and nobody could find the dial."
I do look up at that. Because I know what it looks like when someone's volume gets turned down. I see it in the mirror every morning.
"He seems okay," I say carefully.
June tilts her head. Smiles. "He seemed better than okay yesterday."
I go back to alphabetizing. I don't ask what she means. I already know what she means. And somewhere between the hold shelf and the circulation desk, I let myself think just for a minute that maybe I'm not the only person in Iron Peak who came here to put themselves back together.
Maybe I'm not the only one whose volume got turned down. And maybe that's not a reason to run. It's a reason to stay.
6
james
Jocelyn calls at 7 a.m. while I'm replacing a baseboard in the Summit House dining room. I know it's her because she's the only person who calls me before eight. Hank texts like a normal human. Mom waits until after lunch. But my damn sister operates on a schedule that revolves entirely around her own enthusiasm.
"So," she says.
I wedge the phone between my shoulder and ear and line up a nail. "So."
"I heard you went to the library yesterday." Her voice does this annoying sing-song thing and turns up at the end.
"You sent me to the library yesterday."
"I sent you to meet Dana. From the reading group. Blonde, teaches yoga, has a very cute laugh and loves a murder mystery."
I drive the nail in. "Didn't meet Dana."
"No, you didn't. You met Evelyn." There's a sound on her end like she's trying not to squeal and failing. "James. June told me everything."
"June needs a hobby."
"June's hobby is the library and everyone in it. Apparently yesterday, that included you and your new girlfriend.” She letsout a shrill giggle into the phone. “I’m kidding! But seriously, talk to me. What happened? Did you like her? June said youlookedat her. Like, looked, looked. I need to let Dana down easily if you and this Evelyn are going to be a thing."
I set the hammer down. Pinch the bridge of my nose. I love my sister. I love her the way you love someone who showed up at your apartment with groceries and a labrador puppy the week you came home from your last deployment and couldn't get off the couch. She saved my life in the small, stubborn, casserole-dish way that doesn't make the news. I will never be able to repay her for it. But she’s annoying and she cannot keep a single thing to herself.
"Jocelyn."
"James."
"I'm going to say this once." I lean against the wall. The Summit House is quiet. Nora doesn't get guests until ski season picks up, so most mornings it's just me and the building and whatever's broken. "I went to the library. I met someone. That's it. That's all you're getting."
"That is absolutely not all I'm getting. You haven't voluntarily spoken to a woman who isn't me or Mom in three months. This is an event. This is adevelopment."
"It's not a development."
"Did you get her number?"
I didn't. My chest tightens.Shit.
That realization lands now, two seconds too late. I have the brief, unfamiliar experience of feeling like an idiot. I didn't get her number. I had coffee with her on a tailgate and followed her home and flashed my headlights like a lovesick teenager, but I didn't get her number.
"Your silence is very loud, James."
