“What is over?” Her voice was a whisper, and it was a miracle her words had even come out as all air had seemed to abandon her lungs.
The straight line of his jaw was marked as he bit hard. “Us. We will never be partners, we will never be together, we will never be anything. Don’t waste your time with false hopes, Brachyan. And don’t waste mine either.”
“I have research to conduct in your House, Jake. Oh, and don'tBrachyanme.” Her hands trembled as she lifted them towards the button on her throat, unbuttoning it. “Call me Lenna,” she said as she untied the belt around her waist, and opened the long coat, revealing all her naked skin and the transparencies underneath, “and fuck me.”
“Lenna,” he said her name as quiet as a forbidden prayer. He closed his eyes. If his self-control was in full force, this was going to be practically impossible. “What on Terrha are you—don’t do this. I can't—”
“You can't love me? Well the fuck aware, and I don't care. Youcanfuck me, and that's all I'm asking for.”
His piercing stare hadn’t moved from her eyes for a second. Damn, all that lingerie and he wouldn’t even bother admiring it?
“I might be heartless but I’ve never been stupid. If it’s purely sex you need, you can have any being you want. Why do you need to make things complicated?”
“It’s pretty simple, actually: because no one else fucks me even remotely as well as you do,” she shrugged, trying with all her will to keep her facade cool.
His nostrils flared as he inhaled deeply, his broad chest expanding in front of her. “I don't want to hurt you. You deserve someone who can love you, who can care for you. I no longer can.”
Lenna swallowed, biting her inner cheek to keep her bottom lip from trembling and all her pretend composure from breaking down in a blink.
Her heart was not shattering. Her heart was not shattering.
Her heart was not fucking shattering.
She could do this. Shehadto do this.
She indeed deserved someone who loved her and cared for her, and so didhe.
The only person she wanted to be loved by, to care about her, was right in front of her, apparently keeping even her physical needs at bay.
It was probably a wise choice. She was probably going to fully regret being this close to him—fuck, she couldn’t even imagine having him inside of her again, if she managed to convince him. It was definitely going to hurt. A whole fucking lot. But did she care? Not one Cardinals-damned bit.
If this were the only way Lenna could have Jake, then she would spend however long she needed putting back the shattered pieces of her heart after being with him. If it were purely sex or nothing, then she would have that, even if it meant spending the nights repairing her soul after.
He would not accept her rupturing whatever feelings she had left for him, though. But a woman had to pretend to survive sometimes, even if the price of that survival was her own heart.
“Don't worry about me falling for you,” she managed to say with her best convincing, take-no-shit face. A mask of her past. A mask she had to wear if she wanted to get him back. A mask she had to transform her face to.
His silver eyes narrowed to slits. “Why?”
Her inner snort was louder than a thunderstorm.Why?Because she had fallen in love a long time ago, and there was no going back.
She lifted her eyebrow with as much sass as she could muster, and it felt like lifting the biggest weight one could bear. “All I want—all Ineed—is sex. Unless you don't like my outfit or my pussy, in which case I'll indeed go fuck the next candidate on a very long queue.”
He didn't move.
She started closing the coat, but his firm hands ripped it open, sending the button flying across the ground. “Not so fast,” he growled. He held the sides of the coat in tight fists, and he was so close. So, so close to her, yet still not taking his eyes from her face. “You want me to admire you, don’t you?”
One of his fingers touched her top lip, and she held her breath while he traced it to her bottom lip, then her chin, then her neck. Without opening her mouth, she mustered to nod. It was more than a nod, though. It was a beg, a prayer, an offer.
His finger moved so slowly, and from this close, with his leather scent invading her mind, she found it hard not to kiss him. But if he had decided to get close to her, she would let him explore. She would be his toy, his tool—whatever he let her be, she would be, as long as he allowed her into his life.
“You want me to desire you, don’t you?” His voice was gravel, and when his finger flicked her hard nipple, exposed through the lingerie, she gasped, pressing her thighs together to keep the aching need in her core from making her knees buckle. He pinched her nipple between his index and his thumb, and she arched her back, extending her neck as she tilted her head backwards.
He didn’t get closer to her, but took a step backwards, not letting go of her nipple as he massaged it with his fingers, sending all sorts of nerves around her sensitive body. It was then when he finally looked at her, her clothes or lack of them covering her skin. “Look at you,” he whispered.
He took his sweet damned time, his eyes examining her clavicle, her breasts, the line to her belly button, the way the suspender embraced her waist, how the thong revealed part of her core, how the semi-transparent black tights shaped her legs, how the high heels embellished her ankles. “You want me to think about you and wish you were mine to devour, don’t you?”
“Yes.” Her voice was barely audible. She couldn't breathe. She didn't want to breathe. Not even the air deserved to be part of this need, of this desire.
