“What happened?”
“My mom left us after my little sister was diagnosed with leukemia. She couldn’t handle it.”
“That sucks.”
No sympathy or awkward apologies, just acceptance.
“It did. My father couldn’t deal with the loss and turned to drinking. He lost his job, and the insurance covering my sister’s treatment. That’s when I started working at the ranch.”
“How old were you?”
“When she got sick, twelve. Thirteen when I started working at the ranch.”
“Too young.”
“Yeah, but I was strong and could easily do manual labor.”
I thanked God every day for the job at Shane’s. He worked with wayward teens, but I was lucky enough to work for him before getting into trouble. He knew the score in my household and went to bat for me when I got arrested for stealing.
“Shane’s the reason the judge agreed to expunge the arrest from my record when I turned eighteen.”I can’t believe I’m sharing this. Telling people I got arrested as a teen was something I didn’t do.
Her eyes widened before she asked, “Shane?”
I appreciated her not asking more about the arrest.
“He owns the ranch. He was more of a dad to me than my real father. He paid me well, and every paycheck went to Tammy’s doctors. Despite his generosity, it wasn’t enough.”
I failed her.Just like my parents failed me.
“You did everything you could.”
“I could’ve quit school.” It was the same old song and dance playing in my head. If I had quit school and worked full time, I might have saved her.
I’d actually tried when I was fourteen, but Shane marched my ass back to the school when I showed up on his doorstep asking for more hours.
“Why didn’t you?” Her question held no judgment.
“Shane wouldn’t let me destroy my future.” He told me, repeatedly, that more money wouldn’t help my sister. That didn’t stop him from helping me organize fundraisers and giving me as much work as I could handle while keeping my grades up. Every dime went to the doctors, but money wasn’t the problem.
“Smart man.”
“He is.” I shut down the bad memories and focused on the positive. “Shane’s the reason I became a SEAL. He served on the teams when he was in the Navy, and listening to him talk about his experience made me want to join.”
I wanted to be like Shane, not my father.
“Did he know that when he told you not to quit school?”
“He did. He said, ‘Matthew, things are tough right now, and they’ll probably get worse before they get better, but you can’t give up.’ He was right. Things got worse.”
The doctors did everything they could but it didn’t matter. Holding Tammy’s hand as she passed from this world to the next six months after my arrest wrecked me.
I had no way to tell our mother. My father was too drunk to care.
I vowed then and there I’d never love anyone again. Love led to pain.
Shane was the exception because he already held space in my heart, though fifteen year old me didn’t know it.
Madi probed with gentle questions, and I told her how my sister passed away from complications before my sophomore year. By then, my father was a raging alcoholic and doing his best to drink himself to death.
