Other families might handle the situation differently after having such a terrible scare, but we were soldiers and cops—we handled things with dark humor.
And enough dick jokes to make any twelve-year-old boy giddy.
You’d think our parents would stop us, but they just stood back and enjoyed the show.
“Oh man, what happens if someone calls Rose Dick because they can’t tell them apart.”
“Are you calling my baby girl ugly?” Jamie feigned offense.
“Dude,” Jay drew out the ‘u’. “I hate to break it to you, but all babies are ugly.”
“What are you talking about? My daughter is adorable,” Jack countered.
“She is now,” Jay shot back. “But I bet Rose won’t be cute for a few days.”
I wouldn’t say it out loud, but I agreed—babies were ugly for the first few hours of their lives.
“Can you even tell them apart?” Jay asked, his face a picture of seriousness. “Because that might be a problem.”
“Well, yeah, dumbass, Richard has a dick and Rose doesn’t.” Jamie laughed at his dick joke.
“You’re a dad now, should you be talking like that?” Jay scolded his oldest brother.
“He’s right, Jamie. You should probably cut back on using the dick word,” Jack added helpfully.
“Anything to add, Madi?” Jamie turned towards me.
“I’m sure I was an adorable newborn, but I bet you were ugly, baby brother.”
“Twenty-two minutes, Madi. Twenty-two minutes.”
“Hey, how far apart are Richard and Rose, and who’s older?” Mom asked.
Jamie stood a little straighter, stared me straight in the eyes, and announced, “Richard is nineteen minutes older than his baby sister.”
“That really makes you happy, doesn’t it?”
“You have no idea.” Jamie laughed and handed his cigar to Dad. “I’m heading back. I’ll text when Emily’s awake and ready for visitors.”
I dozed off and on while we waited for Emily to wake up. Each time I woke up, I lifted my head off Matt’s shoulder. I refused to think about what that meant as I checked in with everyone.
The first hints of pink showed on the horizon when Jamie finally messaged us.
Emily’s exhausted so no more than two, and keep it short.
Chris and Anne, she’s asking for you.
Emily’s parents did their best to look presentable as they finger-combed their hair and ran their hands down their shirts.
When they came back, they sent in my parents.
I waited impatiently for my turn, desperate to check on Jamie and Emily, and meet the twins.
Jamie walked back with Mom and Dad and invited me to see Emily alone. As we walked towards the room, he thanked me.
“I was so lost.”
“You’d do the same for me.”
