Me: Will you actually tell me if I get it right?
Miller: Scouts honor.
I click the emoji keyboard and look at mine and wonder what his might be. Maybe a generic smiling face. Or a thumbs up. He seems like a thumbs-up kind of guy. But I decide to take a risk and go for something bold.
Me: The knife emoji.
Miller:hahahaha
Miller: How did you know that?
I laugh out loud and cover my mouth to suppress the noise. Heaven forbid I draw any unwanted attention from that guy who happens to be my father.
Me: Was I really right?
Miller sends me a screenshot of our text screen with the knife emoji most definitely in the top spot.
I take a screenshot of mine and send it back.
Me: Great minds.
Miller: Wow, we're more alike than we seem.
Me: You should really check those two hundred and thirteen text messages lol.
Miller: If I ignore them long enough, they'll disappear, won't they?
Me: I don't think that's how it works…
Miller: A guy can dream.
Me: I think I'm going to pass out pretty soon, it's been a weird, long day. Thanks for talking...and thank you, for getting my ID for me, you have no idea how much that helped.
Miller: The pleasure was all mine. Let me know if you need anything else, otherwise, I'll see you after work tomorrow.
Me: Hey, real quick, I had a question...
Miller: Anything.
Me: Never mind, it's dumb. I'll see you tomorrow. Hope your work thing goes well and gets resolved soon.
Miller takes longer than normal to respond, those dots popping up and going away. I hate the uncertainty of not knowing what's going through his mind. And I hate that I even wonder at all. Why am I like this? Why do I care?
Miller: Get some rest. Text or call if you need me. I'm always here. x
I stare at the screen, that little x doing something sort of strange to my heart. I had added it to a text I sent him before, and now here he is, doing it back. It's probably meaningless, but it still makes me feel fuzzy all over anyway.
Holding my phone to my chest, I breathe in deeply and try to imagine what life would be like if I weren't destined for some gross, evil man who wants to use me for my uterus.
For the first time in my life, three guys seem genuinely interested in me. Silver and Alec for sure, Miller is questionably just my friend, but I can't deny that it feels like something else. Or maybe it's just what I want and I'm trying to force something that isn't possible. June told me I'm not his type. That he doesn't even like girls. Maybe she was wrong, or misinformed. Maybe I should just stop beating around the bush and ask him bluntly. But if June was right and I'm the one misjudging the situation, I'll ruin whatever relationship we have, and if a friendship with Miller is all that's on the table, I'm good with that.
Not that any of it matters. Because in a few short weeks, I'll have to give it up anyway.
My friendships and the potential relationships with Silver and Alec.
It's strange to mourn the future of something that might never be but the pain that aches through my chest is real nonetheless, and all it does is make me hate my father that much more.
His ignorant decision didn't just ruin my life, but it ruined whatever could have been, too.
