The crowd erupts in a loud cheer, something big no doubt happening on the field. June and Simon high-five each other and hug, his arm lingering around her shoulder long after the chaos dies down.
"Oh, and I'd get you flowers, obviously. A big bouquet of..." He pauses and puts his finger to his chin. "I don't know what your favorite flower is."
"Hydrangea," I confess way too easily.
"That's going in the vault." He taps his forehead before reaching for the rest of his pizza.
I study him as he eats, watching the way his jaw moves as he chews, and his Adam's apple bobs when he swallows. I've known him for a while now, but there's still so much I've yet to learn about him. A whole lifetime of memories and stories and unknown baggage that we both have, daring to be unpacked. But if I open up to him, there's no telling how he'll react—or if he'll change his mind. Is that a risk I'm willing to take? Will I ever actually be happy with someone if I can't be myself?
And why does it matter, since all of this will be over in a few short weeks?
Still, I find my thoughts churning and my mouth opening to ask, "What were you like as a kid?"
"Um, well..." Alec leans against the counter and puts one leg in front of the other. "Awkward as fuck."
I laugh. "No, you weren't."
I can't picture Alec as anything other than tall, hot, and sweet. I figured he was popular and had tons of friends and every girl wanted him to pick her. I don't think he would have been a player, but I’d definitely assume he had a lot of options.
"I was," Alec continues. "I had braces and pimples and there was this one summer I grew like a foot. I was taller than everyone, even some of the male teachers. It was embarrassing. I got made fun of like every day of middle school."
"I'm sorry," I tell him. "That's fucked up."
He titters. "Yeah."
"But hey, at least you had one hell of a glow-up."
A smile breaks across his face and he raises his brows. "I did, didn't I?"
"Yep," I confirm. "You're super-hot now. But...I probably would have thought you were hot back then, too."
"No way," he says. "I bet you were a popular cheerleader or something."
This time it's my turn to laugh. "Hardly." I rummage through the massive selection of food and grab a nacho to shove into my mouth. "I was actually really shy in school, believe it or not."
"You're right, that is hard to believe. You're so...outgoing."
I eat another cheese-covered chip, covering my mouth as I chew and say, "I wasn't always like that."
"What changed?"
"Well..." I swallow the bite of food and attempt to rationalize my response. "Somehow, in my little teenage brain, I thought if I wanted people to like me, I had to be different. Because they sure as shit didn't like me when I was shy and reserved. It was the summer before senior year that I had this really rough patch. Bad boyfriend, bad breakup...some self-harming...it was a really dark time for me. I decided I didn't want that life anymore, so I just became a new version of myself, one that I thought people might like." I shrug. "And I mean, it worked. People started paying attention to me. I went from being invisible to someone who was invited to parties and stuff..."
I don't add the fact that it felt so artificial that I lost sense of who I was, and I don't think I've ever really been able to find my way back.
Alec places his hand on top of mine. "I would have been your friend before you felt like you had to change yourself."
I meet his gaze. "How can you be so sure when that isn't the version of me that attracted you in the first place?"
"It's your soul I'm attracted to, Cora."
My heart skips a beat, and a strong part of me wants to turn and run away while the other wants to kiss his lips. Yet, I'm too afraid to do either, so instead, I just stand here and pick aparteverythinghe's said and wonder if it's all a lie. Because why wouldanythingever be real or genuine or good? There's always some shoe about to drop or rug about to be pulled out.
"Are there booze in those?" I point to the other carrier full of drinks.
Alec's gaze drops and I hate the energy shift I feel immediately. But it's better this way. I should keep a little bit of distance between us, if not physically, then at least emotionally.Eventhough I'd love nothing more than toreciprocate every little bit of what he's saying. I've been dreaming of someone coming along and saying the exact things he is, to do the sweet things that he does, to look at me in a way that makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. I would have killed for this a couple weeks ago, and now it kills me that it's here and totally out of reach.
"Yeah," he confirms and pulls one out to hand to me. "Here."
