"That was the most confusing thing I have ever heard in my entire life."
"And this is only adding to it, so just spit it out, Simon. You don't want me to be with Alec. Why? Because you're afraid it'll ruin your professional relationship with him if things go poorly?" I don't let him answer that, at least not yet. "I'm a grown-ass woman, Simon. I can choose who to be with. And if things don't work out, I'm mature enough not to let that screw things up for you. Heaven forbid you have to hire someone else to chauffeur you around."
Simon shakes his head. "This has nothing to do with that, Cora, you're putting words in my mouth."
"Then say what you want to say, what is it? Why does it piss you off so badly? You were okay with June picking some random stranger off a dating app but not Alec, who you trust quite literally with June's life every single day? Tell me how that makes sense."
Simon pauses like he's processing what I said, as if all the words strung together overloaded his fragile boy brain. "You're right."
"I am?" That sure as shit wasn't the response I thought I was going to get out of him.
"Yeah." Simon runs his hand through his hair, pulling it off his forehead and sweeping it back. "Can I be honest with you?" He darts his attention toward the entrance and returns it to me.
"That's all I've been asking for, lover boy."
"You're like a sister to me, okay? Not just because of June, but because I actually care about you. Yeah, it started because of your relationship with June, and there is a small part of me that doesn't want to see you hurt because of how it will makeherfeel, but it'll piss me off just the same, and I don't want another body on my hands, if you know what I mean?"
I chuckle. "You're telling me—let me get this straight—that you care about me, Simon Beckett?"
He nudges my shoulder with his fist. "Is that so hard to believe, you idiot? Christ, we bicker like brother and sister. Sorry for caring about you and your stupid feelings."
"You're the worst," I tell him. "Seriously. The number of times I think about punching you in the face on a daily basis is unreal. It's at least four."
Simon's green eyes widen, and his mouth opens dramatically. "How rude."
"Rude?" Are you serious? You're the overprotectiveolderbrother who won't let me date."
"Hey now, watch your tone with thatoldershit."
I glare at him. "Have you signed up for your senior citizen discount yet?"
"That's it, the next body I put in the ground is going to be yours."
He laughs and I laugh, and I know damn well that this is the type of conversation that June would smack him over. She hates when he alludes to violence and crime but I've come to realize it's just part of who he is—the life that they all live.
If only he'd make true on his promise, then I wouldn't have to go through with whatever Ricardo has planned for me. But then he'd kill my parents and I'd have to be haunted by them in the afterlife.
"Seriously though. I want what’s best for you." Simon resolves to his oh-so-serious default expression.
"Yeah, yeah." I drink my drink even though there's nothing but a watered-down mess left behind.
"You know he got a job offer in New York, right?"
"What?" I do a poor job hiding the shock written in every feature on my face.
"Some big architect thing. Career changing."
"That's..." I digest the rampant thoughts that come to mind and struggle to find the right word to say. "Great."
"Yep. So. See why I'm concerned about you? I don't want you to fall for him and leave you high and dry. I'd have to track him down in the city and put a bullet in his head at Times Square or something. Sounds really messy. Then there's the possibility that he turns it down and stays here with you, which will probably only lead to a lifetime of resentment and guilt. Seems like a lose lose, and I don't want to see you get hurt. If this is a one-time only deal, go for it, live your best life, Cor, but if you actually have feelings for him, I'd strongly suggest you take a step back and look at what that means long-term."
Long-term. Something I don't have the luxury of considering. The truth is, I only have a few weeks. And even if I didn't, Alec is leaving and moving on to bigger and better things. I guess in a way this is good news, because when I do give myself over to Ricardo, Alec will have something else to distract him from any potential loss he experiences from the death of us.
But if that's the case, why is this all such a punch in the gut?
I knew there was no getting out of the situation with Ricardo. I knew I'd have to give Alec up. I only just got him, and he's slipping through my fingertips like a child grasping onto sand at the beach. He was never mine to begin with, and somehow, I'm already mourning the lost potential of what we'll never be.
"Cora." Simon snaps his fingers and brings me back to reality. "Did you hear me?"
