I draw in a long breath and exhale. "You know, I thought it was going to be hard, or weird, but it's been good. I mean, it's only been what, two weeks?"
"Honeymoon phase is definitely still there."
"I keep waiting for the shoe to drop, for them to realize they made a mistake or that they can't do this."
June reaches forward and grips my hand. "Hey now, have a little faith. They chose this. They chose you."
But doesn't she realize that just as easily as they did, they could choose to change their mind, too. And now that the constant threat of having to give Ricardo an heir isn't looming in my every thought, I'm struck with the reality that I'm riddled with insecurities and a plethora of my own issues. Even prior to what happened, my mind was a dark and scary place. What if they decide they don't want to deal with that? With me? What if what I have to offer isn't worth the price they have to pay?
"Do you want to tell me what this is really about?" June squeezes my hand before letting it go. "I'm here for you, Cor. I'm sorry I haven't always been, but I am now."
It warms my heart to see her be open with me, vulnerable even. It's what I've wanted from the start, but it took almost losing our friendship until she came to terms with the fact that she couldn't push me away and expect me to stay there.
"I think..." I consider my words carefully, unsure how to properly string them together to make sense of what it is I'm feeling. "I think I just need time. Time for them to stay. Time for them to keep choosing me. Time for me to realize I'm not the problem."
"Well," June says. "Until then, I'm here for you. I choose you." She shifts her tone. "And if any of them step out of line, I'm here to kick their asses, too." June smirks and suddenly, I'm consumed by guilt at not having been there for her when she was no doubt going through the same thing. She's the one who kept me at arm's length, but still, she suffered through the unknowns alone.
At least now, we have each other.
"Thank you," I tell her, really hoping she understands how much I mean it. "But for real, I do have a very important question for you..."
"Uh oh." She points to her cup. "Do I need more bourbon for this?"
I snatch my glass. "Probably."
June downs the rest of hers and wipes her mouth. "Okay, hit me."
"Umm." I fidget with the rim of the glass.
"Come on, spit it out."
I avoid her eye contact as I find the courage to mutter the words. "What's your sex life like?"
June laughs. "You mean because I have four boyfriends?" She gets more comfortable on the couch and continues. "I mean, it's interesting, to say the least. And never-ending, it seems."
"What do you mean?" I glance up at her, my cheeks blushing.
"Come on, Cora. You and I both know I was always a bit promiscuous. Now, instead of sleeping around with random guys, I'm sleeping around with the same four. It's..." She pauses for a moment. "Fun and exhilarating and somehow, consistently fresh. Just when I think we've surpassed any level of crazy, the guys surprise me with a new position, a new toy, a new goal."
"What do you mean,goal?" I question even though I probably shouldn't.
"Well, sometimes they have these little competitions over how many times they can make me orgasm. Willingly, or forced. Sometimes it's total, or individual goals. It varies, but still, it's like a twisted side quest they come up with."
My face flushes even more than it already was at the idea of them repeatedly making my best friend climax.
"Cora, you're turning bright red." June leans forward and pushes on my shoulder. "It's just sex, don't get all embarrassed."
I lick my lips and blink away my awkwardness. "No, I'm not. I'm fine, I'm totally fine."
June rolls her eyes. "What's the problem? Is the sex boring? Are they bad at it? You know you can practice, right? They can get better. You'd be surprised how well men can listen if something as carnal as sex is on the table."
"No," I cut her off. "They're good at it. Trust me." I tuck my hair behind my ear and choose my next words carefully. "They're likereallygood at it."
"Then what's wrong?"
"I just...I just didn't know if there's a line, or a limit."
June throws her arm over the back of the couch. "That's on you to decide. You call the shots. Whatever you want, I'm sure they'd give it to you." She taps her fingers and stares right at me. "What's the craziest thing you guys have done?"
