"Do you want a plate?"
She shrugs. "No sense in dirtying dishes. We've all shared germs if you think about it."
I have thought about it, and part of me wonders if there's something wrong with me because I'm not as mad as I imagined I'd be at the girl I love spending her time with two other men. It's not ideal, but the fact that there are two additional guys equally obsessed and willing to make her happy and protect her isn't as terrible as it seems. It's kind of a relief, honestly.
I've known for a very long time that Cora had a crush on Miller, and it was reciprocated, so I'd always suspected I'd have to compete for her affection with him. I had held off for a while, not confessing my feelings, in order to give them time to work out their attraction for each other on their own. The second I found out Cora was going on a date with another man, though, I had to step up and do something. If Miller wasn't going to shoot his shot with her, I sure as shit was going to.
Only, he happened to decide on pursuing her at the same time I did, complicating matters of the heart.
For a long while, I accepted that Cora was not obtainable, that she would forever be out of reach. Mainly because she is way out of my league, but in great part because June and her men insinuated that it was forbidden for us to be together. I respected that, toeing the line every chance I got by flirting with her. It was innocent, nothing ever crossing the line, but the more it went on, the more I could no longer withstand the feelings that had been building for what felt like forever.
Every chance I could get, I would make it a point to say hi, ask how she was doing, spend any second I could get with her. June caught on easily, poking fun at my crush on occasion. She had joked about things evolving with Cora and me, but her men made it clear that it couldn't happen.
And because Cora's happiness has always been my priority, I kept that wall between us hoping that someone better would come along. Someone without complications or a dark past or things that haunt them in the night. Someone with a solid job and a steady life that didn't put them in harm’s way.
I might be pursuing a career in architecture, but I still work for some of the biggest criminals in the city. I'd be a fool for involving Cora with that, even if it was supposed to be a means to an end. I wanted to secure that future and once I had, if the opportunity was still available, I'd take that leap and see if she was interested.
Sometimes life doesn't always go to plan, though, and when I found out I'd be driving her to a double date, my jealousy and selfishness got the best of me.
I was so fucking happy her date didn't show up, but seeing the look on her face, feeling the disappointment coursing through her, I had to do something. I nearly chewed off the inside of my lip as I battled with what to do: take her home or risk it all and offer to go with her.
Ultimately, my heart and brain got on the same page and my mouth opened, blurting out the feelings I've always held for her.
Goddamn, it felt amazing getting it off my chest, but the second it was out, I grew immediately worried that it was not reciprocated. Sure, she flirted with me, but that was Cora, she's a flirt with everyone. It's part of her bubbly personality. She's a bright shining light, and it's part of what pulled me to her, only it was the darkness that lingered within that kept me there. I could tell there was much more depth to her that she didn't share with just anyone that I was dying to uncover and learn about her.
The night Cora told me she didn't love me, it ripped me in two. Even though I was convinced the words she cut me with were lies, it still pained me all the same because it's what I've always worried—that Cora would never, could never, love me.
Confessing to her might have been the most terrifying thing I'd experienced up until that night at the baseball game, but now, being this close to having her and not knowing how to fix what she's going through, that's hell on an entirely different level.
I even got a little teary-eyed with Silver that night as I crashed in his living room, just to make sure that Cora was okay. I couldn't fathom the idea of leaving her, not after she had a breakdown like that, not after my suspicions only heightened with each new piece of information I uncovered.
Silver's not very chatty, but he reassured me that Cora was probably trying to hurt me to push me away, not because she meant any of the things she said. He told me to be patient with her, that anyone can be a friend when things are good, but it really counts if they show up when shit gets bad. Those are the people that matter the most, and if I could be that for her, she would, hopefully, eventually, recognize that.
At one point, he chuckled and said, "I don't know why I'm saying any of this to you. You’re in love with my girl."
But without really discussing it, there's an understanding, that the goal is to keep her happy, to maintain her safety, and if sharing her is what it takes, that's what we'll do...at least, for now.
"Are you going to eat?" Cora breaks my concentration from my rampant thoughts.
"Yeah." I use the chopsticks to grab a piece of sushi. "How is it?" I ask her.
She nods with her mouth full, mumbling something I can't quite make out, a smile on her face. Cora's shoulders move as she does a little happy dance while she's eating, and if I ever thought I'd witness her doing something more adorable, this definitely tops the cake.
Miller and Silver enter the room, their hushed conversation dying out as they approach. Each of them goes to one end of the island filled with food and exchanges a final glance.
"Nice of you to join us," Cora says with an undertone of annoyance. "Care to tell the class what you two were talking about?"
"Thanks for getting food," Silver says to me as he reaches for a pair of chopsticks. He tosses a set across to Miller.
"Yeah, thanks," Miller agrees, the two of them no doubt making Cora angrier at their avoidance of the question.
"When are you leaving?" Cora continues to question them.
"Where are you going?" I add in because I wouldn't mind being included in the conversation, too.
Silver and Miller look at each other like they're trying to decide who's going to say what and how they're going to evade both of us.
Silver clears his throat after he swallows his food. "We are going to torture someone we believe is acting as a double agent on Ricardo's behalf."
