He almost interjected, but she resumed her massage as she kept talking, “Do you have qualms about doing your job? That is all she is doing. The job she has been trained to do. It wouldn’t be different for you if you had ended up an assassin. You would go in and do your job. Don’t blame her for doing the same.”
“It’s frustrating that you’re siding with her.”
She smacked his cheek lightly, and he smiled. “I’m not siding with anyone. I’m trying to knock some sense into your stupid head. You both care about each other so much, and you can’t admit it. It’s annoying.”
He stood up, and she dropped her hands down to her sides. “It’s more complicated than that.”
“Really.” She deadpanned. “Don’t tell me about complicated. Do you know how much I want to find someone? But I can’t. Because if I end up in a relationship with anyone here, I will spend the rest of my life lying to him.” She bit her lip, and then stepped closer to him, placing her hands on his shoulders. When he didn’t pull away, she lifted one to stroke the side of his face. “That’s why I couldn’t help being attracted to you when you got here. Even knowing there is no possibility for long term. Sometimes being seen by someone for even a moment is worth whatever it costs when it’s over.”
She stood there, hands laced behind his neck, waiting. She was beautiful. Gorgeous even. He didn’t pull away, and after a moment she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. Hesitantly, waiting to see how he would respond. That was all it took for him.
He gave her a hug, and then stepped back. “I’m sorry, Marsh. I can’t do this. Not even for a moment.”
She nodded, “Now you understand why it’s annoying.”
He smiled awkwardly, hand coming up to the back of his neck, not knowing where to go from here. “My advice?” She said, recovering quickly, “Tell her that you care. At least tell her that. Don’t live the rest of your life wondering what if.”
“I just want to protect her.”
“That’s not your job.”
“Of course, it’s my job!” He protested.
“No, Carver. Your job is to tell her the truth. Be honest with her. She’s a hell of a lot stronger and more capable than you seem to believe her to be.”
He tried to smile at her, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“That I’m not the man you were hoping I would be for you.”
She shrugged delicately, and there was a part of him that could see how better suited they would be. A woman he couldprotect instead of a warrior that stood by his side. But how long until he charged into battle and would be overwhelmed with fear for her safety? How long until he too would need a warrior by his side watching his back? Marsh was absolutely right. Clara had become that warrior whether he liked it or not.
His heart pounded as he walked up the steps to their room. He rehearsed the words over and over in his head, but couldn’t quite land on the right ones.I’m sorry? I know I didn’t trust you but I want to make things better now? I love you?
None of those felt right, but as they neared the time to complete their assignment, he knew he had to say something. “Clara, I’ve been a jackass,”she would like that, “I’m so sorry that I didn’t trust you. I’m so sorry I didn’t believe how strong you have become. I’m in love with you. I always was, and always will be. I want nothing more than to go back and change my decisions. I was trying to protect you, but I see now that more than protecting you I should have been supporting you. I hope you will give me the chance to make that better now.” He stood outside the door, whispering under his breath. Yeah. That wasn’t too bad. He could say that. She might even respond amiably.
“Okay, you can do this.”
He pushed open the door, ready to confess. But the room was empty. His heart plummeted. “Clara?” He called out, but there was no response.
43CLARA
She wasn’t surprised Carver went to Marsh to complain about her. Of course he had. The second he left, she knew that’s where he was headed. She knew that’s where he had headed the second he left. It infuriated her, but in a way it was also fair. Carver didn’t belong to her. She didn’t have any kind of claim over him. And Marsh was attractive. Gorgeous, actually. She was soft in a way that Clara never could be, yet independent enough that Clara knew she was appealing to Carver whether he admitted it or not.
What she hadn’t prepared for, was to see Marsh’s arms wrapped around Carver’s neck as she kissed him. Clara quickly backed away from the door and slipped out the back. Fury flared hot through her veins and she wanted to punch something. She pressed her back against the brick of the building, breathing heavily as she tried to calm down. She couldn’t punch the brick. She’d break her hand. That wouldn’t help anything. She considered it anyway.Mission first.
She had to do something.
After very little deliberation, she began winding her way through the festival and to the guarded lab. She just wantedto scope it out. She needed something constructive, and what better than a head start on their plan.
A couple drunk men bumped into her, and one almost propositioned her, but when she glared he realized she might be more than he was bargaining for and he moved on.
The sun was setting in the distance, and instead of the caged creatures brought on stage, there were performers. Flame throwers, acrobats, anything to amuse the people. It didn’t take much to amuse the primarily drunk crowd. It was late enough in the day that most had been drinking for a few hours. It was certainly a party.
Clara thought they were all foolish. Idiots. So blinded by their own comfort they would never notice the desperation and pain of others. Much less defend them.
She walked through an alley, putting herself towards the back of town square and nearing the lab. There were enough trees she was able to stay in the shadows, but she couldn’t quite see the guards. She approached close enough she could hear them talking. These guards weren’t as stoic as the ones at the front. They sounded bored and chatted about all the things they had witnessed in the festival so far.
