“Torture. I thought that’s all they were requiring of me. I knew I was trained as an assassin, but I thought that would be somewhere a lot further down the road. I walked in one day, ready to continue the…questioning…but they handed me a gun instead. He was tied to a chair, eyes on me the entire time.”
She paused, chewing her bottom lip as they continued walking. Carver looked over his shoulder. The town was already far behind them. “It clicked then what being an assassin meant: killing anyone they told me to. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it, but orders are orders, right? I still remember how cold the metal of the pistol felt in my hand. How heavy it felt in the moment I picked it up, and how light it felt after theaction was completed. The amazement and disgust I felt that something so small could accomplish something so horrendous.
The bullet went straight through his forehead. And that was that. They were shocked at how well I handled it. I guess they expected me to run from the challenge or throw up or something. But I didn’t. They decided then they could trust me, and they brought me into the rooms for higher level prisoners and more risky assignments. I didn’t train as often after that, and they started calling me the Eclipse at some point. I think it started as a joke. Because most of them never saw me anymore or something.
A few Vipers found out that a couple of the reported assassinations had been at my hands. Then the nickname became one of honor and esteem. I was never quite sure what to think of it.”
Carver attempted to process this information, but he had absolutely no idea what his response should be. A murderer. He was walking next to amurderer. He was trying to protect amurderer. Yet, she wasn’t a murderer. She was still Clara. Still just the girl he loved.
He tried to reconcile her words to her, but he couldn’t. This girl next to him couldn’t have killed anyone. She couldn’t be what she claimed to be. The girl he grew up with felt guilty when she killed a bug. She couldn’t have grown up to be a murderer.
21CLARA
Now he knows what a monster I am.She thought, but there was a relief in that knowledge. Now he could stop pretending that he had to be any kind of chivalrous or take care of her. Regardless of what he claimed his motivations to be until this point, between bringing her a key, dragging a mattress in, and everything else, she knew he was attempting to protect her and she hated it. She hated that he still saw her as defenseless, weak.
Carver’s silence seemed to stretch into eternity, and though she wanted to fill the gap, she had done enough. It wasn’t until they reached a clearing, and paused to stretch and survey their surroundings that he responded. “I,” she looked up, almost startled as he cleared his throat. “I don’t know what to say.”Clearly.“I’m sorry that you went through all of that.”
Somehow, it wasn’t what she expected to hear him say and his apology unlocked fury within her. “You’re sorry? You weren’t the one who asked me to put a bullet in a man’s head.”
“No, but I am sorry?—”
“Carver, you don’t owe me an apology. For anything. I amnotyour responsibility.” Ah, that’s where the anger was coming from. Even now, he was still trying to protect her, still claimingher as his responsibility. Hadn’t he figured out by now that she didn’t need him?
“I didn’t say you were, I just meant?—”
“Just stop it! Stop trying to explain what you meant! I don’t care about your good intentions. We’re getting too close to the line and it has to stop. Far too close. Okay? It has to stop. We’re not friends. I shouldn’t have told you any of that. We are, at best, partners in this assignment only, and that has to remain our focus.”
“Can you not interrupt me just one time?” He matched her intensity without matching her volume, “I’m allowed to be sorry that you had tomurder someonewithout it meaning anything more than I think it’s an awful thing to have to do! If you had told me your friend, what was her name? Reese? Had to kill someone, I would have had the same reaction. Stop assuming you’re special.”
He was breathing heavily, hands tugging on strands of his hair, and now it was Clara’s turn to have no response. He was right. She did assume everything he had done until this point was because of their past. But if he was following the rules, that wasn’t the case and she was the one who was nearing a breaking point with them.
“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Anger still welled in her chest, but she was doing her best to keep her tone calm. Herpartner, not ex, didn’t deserve her anger in this moment.
“Wow,” he shook his hair out, dropping his hands back to his sides. “Never thought you were capable of those words.”
“Don’t push it,” she warned, feeling the anger flame a little brighter, “You still have the rules, right?” He nodded, patting the pocket over his chest. “Why don’t you pull it out and read it? I think we could both use the reminder.”
He cleared his throat dramatically, unfolding the page. “Rule 1. The mission comes first. Rule 2. No flirting.”
“Which includes throwing water at me.” She interjected.
“Can I add a rule that you’re not allowed to interrupt me? I really don’t appreciate it.” She rolled her eyes, and Carver continued, “Rule 3. No physical contact. We’ve done okay with that one,” he shrugged.
“Yeah.” As long as they didn’t mention her shaking him awake that morning. But it didn’t need to be brought up, so she agreed with his statement.
“Rule 4. No mention of our history. Rule 5. No defending the other person beyond what is necessary for the mission.” Clara gave him a pointed look, and Carver threw up his hands in defense. “I haven’t defended you. Not once. I haven’t done anything except keep us both alivefor the sake of the mission.”
“If you say so.”
“I do say so. And you can’t read my mind, so you have no choice but to believe me.”
“There’s always a choice.” She muttered, purely for the sake of argument.
“Just let me finish reading.” He closed his eyes momentarily, and Clara almost smiled at how well she pushed his buttons.
“Fine. Hurry up.”
“Stop commenting and I could! Rule 6. If there’s only one bed we take turns sleeping on the floor. Or, in my case,” he grinned widely, “Learn to enjoy sleeping on the floor and always choose that.”
