He looked at her from the side of his eye. They both stood, facing the door, waiting to be released. She still looked stern, but unless he was going crazy, she did at least look a little softer. “Don’t worry about it,” came his easy response.
Inwardly, he felt victorious that she was actually talking to him again.
The metal squealed as the train door opened. “Conductor said we’ll be here for about an hour. A good time to do your business and get some food.”
Carver nodded in appreciation, “Thank you. We’ll do that.” The boy walked away as soon as Carver acknowledged him.
He turned to Clara, unsure what to do next.
Would Clara want to stay with him as they entered the city? Or would she want to do her own thing? He knew Command must have given her the same package he received as they boarded. A package with dried food, iodine for cleansing water, money, and a few other items he hoped he wouldn’t need. There was also a note he hadn’t bothered to read yet. It would be specific instructions for the mission and he wasn’t ready to prepare for that.
He secretly hoped it detailed more of what Nate mentioned to him–that Command wasn’t blindsiding him the way it felt like they were. Why would they cut Carver out? He was the mosttrusted spy. What had Clara done to warrant more trust than him? Or was this another test for him individually?
Carver’s mind ran circles; he debated asking Clara to get food with him, or going his own way. He didn’t want to ask, but he did want her to know he wouldn’t mind her company. His deliberation was a waste of time. Clara hopped down from the train, and disappeared into the crowd without a second look. He shouldn’t have felt disappointed. They were partners on this assignment, not friends–never friends. They couldn’t be friends again.
He desperately wished things could be different. The list of reasons replayed in his head, the ever ongoing battle.
Carver stepped down from the train car, and slipped right into the crowd. No one gave him a second look as he walked down the road glancing at the different shops. He found a small inn that promised a home cooked meal. If he had an hour, he’d stop for food.
The inside of the inn was dark, and the lights flickered slightly, but the food smelled amazing. He was ushered from the front to a seat, and he nearly cursed when he passed Clara. He was seated at a table directly behind hers, and she glared at him as he walked by.
The second the waitress walked away, Clara turned in her seat. “Stalking me now?” She asked gruffly.
It took him a second to formulate a response. She had never been harsh. She had barely been able to stand up for herself. And now? This new version of her was kinda hot. He smiled lightly, attempting to appear far more relaxed than he actually felt. “Actually, I had no idea where you went. I saw the advertisement for home cooked food outside, and decided it sounded good. Running into you was mere coincidence.” His smile grew a tiny bit at her frustration. She could be angry with him all she wanted as long as she kept talking to him.
“Uh huh. You just happened to end up in the same room, one table behind me.”
He shrugged, “Coincidence. It’s not a very big town in case you didn’t notice.”
She continued to glare at him, “We’re already stuck together on the train.”
“Is that so? I hadn’t noticed. If you’re going to keep talking to me, you might as well join me.” The second he said it, he kicked himself for offering it. They were already sharing so much time on the train, and the more time he spent with her, especially unrequired time, the harder it was for him to follow the rules.
At first, to his relief, she looked ready to object; but she stirred slowly and begrudgingly sat across from him. They slipped into silence as both stared at the menu in front of them. Carver kept his eyes glued to the page.
Somehow the sarcasm and sass she used tohatefrom him is what caused her to sit with him now. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do with that information, but if that was how she wanted to play this he could oblige. The waitress returned and if she had any questions about the two of them joining each other, she kept them to herself. “What can I get for you today?”
Clara placed her order first, and then the waitress turned to Carver. “And what about you, love? What’ll you have?”
The waitress tilted in his direction as she asked, the neckline of her outfit low enough to provide Carver with a direct shot of her cleavage. He kept his eyes on her face, and ordered the roast beef with carrots and potatoes. “Is that gonna be all for you, love?”
“Yes ma’am, unless you have anything else, Clara?” Clara shook her head no, handing her menu to the waitress.
The waitress took her menu, and then reached for Carver’s, intentionally brushing her hand across his. “I’ll be back with your food shortly.”
Clara laughed, the sound so reminiscent of times past that Carver almost flinched. “We’ve barely started our trip and you’re already getting hit on. That has to be some kind of a record. Good job with not flirting back by the way.” She raised her water glass to him in jest.
He smiled lightly in return, though his entire body felt tense, “So shewasflirting with me.”
Clara rolled her eyes, “There’s no way you couldn’t tell. She all but forced you to look down her shirt. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice that.”
“I’m not a saint; I noticed.” He mumbled, heat flaring into his cheeks. He rolled his shoulders backwards as he grabbed his water.
“I don’t think that takes from your sainthood. You did a better job at looking away than I would have.” He shifted uncomfortably, not sure how to respond.
Their food arrived, and they spent the rest of the meal alternating between semi-comfortable silence and insignificant banter.. It scared Carver a little how much easier things were between them already and he worried they could easily slip into old habits. Even with their history, the break-up, the pain, it seemed the walls of protection were already being dismantled–word by word, laugh by laugh. It had to stop. They’d built the walls, and Carver needed them to stay there. For Clara’s sake.
He ended things for a reason, and that reason was just as valid today as it was three years ago. Yes, he wanted her to forgive him. Selfishly. So selfishly. He only needed her to trust him enough that he would be able to keep her alive.
