“I don’t need to be babysat.”Leander snapped.
“No, you don’t.However, we’re not splitting up, and you’re not leaving me to deal with all this family shit.You had a mother growing up, at least part of the time.I have never been part of a family.The closest I came was—”
Leander knew what he had been about to say.They’d been a dysfunctional and pathetic sort of family who’d shared stolen loot from the corner store and protected each other.And then they’d torn each other apart with their infighting and schemes, just like a proper family.“And Shanlin?Will you leave him here alone or drag him out into a mythological forest with beasts that could kill him?You should stay with him,” Leander said.
“Isn’t he safe here?Even if Zhiyuan hates you, shouldn’t Shanlin be okay?”
Leander rubbed a hand over his face.“I don’t know.I don’t understand any of this.We are clearly part of this family, but I don’t know how or how different parts of the family are going to interact.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know.”
“Metric fucktons,” Leander agreed dryly.His mother had never taught him how to be part of any sort of family, much less whatever they had here.
Xi pursed his lips.“Then we tell Huiling that we want her to keep Shanlin busy while we find reeds.She might know a boy she could introduce him to.”
“Everything is spinning out of control,” Leander said, hating the note of panic he could hear in his own voice.
Xi caught his hand.“We’ve been out of control since we were twelve years old,” he said.“Any control was an illusion.I thought I was making my own choices when I went into police work, but do you really think the government would’ve let me choose anything else with my talent?”
Leander pressed his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose.He didn’t want logic as much as a chance to feel sorry for himself.If the afterlife was real, he wanted to tell Finn and Tecca he had given their son a better life.He wanted so many things that were just impossible and naïve.
Xi took Leander’s hand in his, pulling Leander to his feet.“You have done wonderfully.I sat outside Shanlin’s house wondering what I was supposed to do, but you took action.You’re doing more than anyone to protect Shanlin, so don’t get lost in that self-hatred of yours.”
Leander gave a bitter laugh.“I’m a drug dealer.Isn’t that what you called me?It’s true.I may not sell it, but I made the drugs.I’m not a good man, so don’t mistake my selfish need to save the last piece of Finn for any moral strength.”
“Tecca is the one who made those drugs stronger and more dangerous than anything you could have managed.And you’re right when you accused me of arresting innocent people.I arrested people who were just as scared and harmless as we were at fourteen.I knew it was wrong.”Xi rubbed a hand over his face, but with his other hand, he still held Leander tightly.“At night, their faces haunt my nightmares, but I did it to keep myself safe.”
Xi looked at Leander with wonder.“But you stepped off the safe path.Never minimize how amazing that is.”Xi’s expression made Leander uncomfortable.Leander tried to pull his hand away, but Xi held on.
Leander shook his head.“I worked for Druwolf.He’s the biggest monster I’ve ever known.”
Xi’s gaze skittered away and caught for a moment on the corner where the shadows were deepest.Leander wondered if he was trying to use his talent, but he didn’t wince in pain and the shadows didn’t move.“There are far bigger monsters out there than Druwolf.He’s motivated by money, which makes him almost mundane.”
Leander wanted to scoff and argue, but something in Xi’s expression stopped him.He didn’t know what Xi had seen working for the police, but it clearly haunted him.
Xi caught Leander’s left hand, so now he held both.They stood so close that their breaths mingled and their bodies brushed against one another.Leander swallowed, discomfort vying with far deeper feelings that he refused to name.“We are in this together,” Xi said.
Leander wanted to believe him.He wanted to believe there was someone who knew how irascible and unreasonable and angry he got and who still stood with him.Finn would have made similar promises to Tecca, but that had not ended well.Promises were nothing more than air, and Leander couldn’t afford weakness.
He drew his hands away from Xi and took a step backwards as he gathered his thoughts from the dark places they had wandered.“I have to put Shanlin first,” he said firmly.Relying on people, loving people, never ended well.“Do you want to take the right or left side of the bed?”he asked in the most professional voice he could muster.
