Eventually she tangled her fingers in her tightly curled hair. “Your husband is a moron,” she announced.
“My husband is brilliant. He’s kind. He’s thoughtful and funny and patient. But yes, he is slightly a moron. Rick not seeing potential danger is not the same as us being safe.”
Dee sagged. “Well shit. If things go as FUBAR like on the last planet...”
“You have to admit, that ended well. You got reparations for being isolated, Rick’s people got relabeled as Hidden ones and the rest of the universe learned to respect that Rick, and his species, has some mad programming skills. That’s not a bad outcome.”
Dee stared at the ceiling before turning a withering glare on him. “And humans are now officially listed as Unbalanced ones because every time someone insults your husband or children you go a bit psychotic.”
He had stomped a lot of tentacles. “I’ll send a request for Xander and Kohei. But honestly, we’re probably being paranoid. I’m sure this is a family issue and it will turn out Rick is trying to avoid me being dragged to family dinner where I’ll be regaled with stories of his exes.” Max winced as he thought about whatthat would be like. He continued in a much whinier voice, “I don’t want to hear about my husband’s exes.”
“Better safe than sorry, so call your kids,” Dee said without any sympathy.
Chapter Three
The ship landed with a thud that made the hull rattle and the safety straps dig into Max’s armpits. Harnesses built for tentacles were not kind to human anatomy.
“Honey, we’re home,” Rick said. Max didn’t think the phrase fit this situation. Rick and two of the three children had curly tentacles of distress. Heck, James probably regretted asking to come if his stiff tentacles were anything to judge by. He was too stubborn to admit his discomfort.
Like father, like son. The two had honed being ornery into an artform. Or a weapon. Sometimes it felt vaguely weapony.
“So what do we need to do? Do we need to check in with someone? Have our passports stamped? File birth certificates for the children?” Max put as much cheer into his voice as possible. Not only did his family need reassurance, but he was on the verge of a mini-panic attack himself. As much as Max had grown used to the alienness of the ship and the semi-edibleness of most of the food, every time he had to do something new, he felt his anxiety ramp up.
Maybe he could get out of returning to the Air Force by developing a panic disorder. He was at least fifty percent of the way there, so one good shove would turn him into a neurotic mess.
“I find swimming waters for James,” Kohei said.
Rick released the straps on his safety harness. “Must explain to Hidden ones on Hidden world why the outsiders call them Hidden ones and not Ugly ones. Must announce pair bonding.Must list offspring. Then must leave quickly quickly quickly quickly quickly.” He stretched his squiggly tentacles. He’d get one arm extended to its full, impressive, red-tipped length, and two others would curl. It was a never-ending fight Rick was not winning.
“I swim quickly and return,” James said, which was as good as an apology from their stubborn middle child.
Kohei said, “I escort brother James to avoid insult.”
James bugled his displeasure. “I am not insulting.”
Max could argue that point, but describing his son’s faults led to hurt feelings, so he kept his mouth shut. Being a parent was hard. He was used to letting his sarcasm spillout on people who irritated him, and as much as he loved his kids, they annoyed him more than every other sentient creature in the universe combined.
Xander was not as circumspect. He blew a raspberry of amusement, at least until Max pinned his youngest child with an unhappy look. Then Xander’s head lowered in apology.
“Quickly quickly,” Rick said. “If ship relocates, search directory for information.”
That was an alarming suggestion. “Will our ship move?” The shipyard was a huge, flat plane with all the grass burnt off and no real infrastructure. There was a lack of ship berths.
“Shelter below ground,” Rick said. With that, Rick flowed toward the exit, using his longer arms to rush into the corridor that led to the exit ramp. Max rushed to follow. Whatever weirdness was going on, Max didn’t want his husband facing it by himself. They were married, so all weirdness was shared equally.
Xander tried to follow, but Rick whirled around. “No,” he bellowed. “Stay with ship. With ship.” Rick was the soft-spoken parent who never issued orders, so his outburst startled Max and Xander’s tentacles jerked like he had touched a hot stove. Rickhad drawn himself up to his full height, which was enough to make his tool hat clank against the ceiling, but then he shrank without voicing an apology.
Max and Xander stood in shocked silence. Even Dee’s mouth was open, but Rick glided down the corridor toward the exit, ignoring them.
Oh yeah, there was something seriously wrong with his husband.
Max ran to catch up. “You’re freaking me out a little bit.”
“Clarify.” Rick was speed gliding, and Max made a grab for the closest tentacles and pulled him to a stop. Behind him, Dee collided into him before huffing. However, she backed away, giving them an illusion of privacy.
Max lowered his voice to a whisper. “Tell me what’s going on. Something is bothering you, and I can’t help unless you tell me what it is.”
“Clarify. Query. Is that a query?”
