“I think you will find we can. I know you have this weird thing where you consider our children adults, but I consider them to be inexperienced and immature little butt faces who occasionally need their fathers to send them to their rooms without dinner. And if they have wandered somewhere dangerous, I will happily be the person to punish them.” Max was even seventy percent sure he could get the punishment to stick. If he applied copious amounts of guilt and added in a sprinkling of cultural misunderstanding, he could get the children to listen to him more than Rick could.
Rick shrank back, pressing himself into the corner so that he seemed to shrink by half. “We cannot retrieve offspring. Offspring will despise me.”
“Your children would never despise you.”
“Offspring will despise me,” Rick repeated, and the translator was offering a decisive tone.
Max sat on the edge of their bed, but Rick pressed himself even tighter into the corner. Max left his hand resting on the bed between them, his fingers spread, a silent invitation for Rick to wind his tentacles around his fingers. “What is at those coordinates?”
“My shame,” Rick said.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are brilliant and caring. If you were not ashamed of yourself for turning off the proximity alert when in pirate territory, then there is absolutely nothing you could do that would ever deserve shame.” Max had assumed that would distract Rick. After all, when Max mentioned that bit of stupidity, Rick defended himself in evermore outlandish ways. But Rick didn't rise to the bait.
“Rick, you're scaring me. Either tell me what is at those coordinates or I’ll request a vehicle, and drive there myself.”
Rick’s whole body spasmed. “You cannot.”
“Again, I think you will find I can. I am able to do a lot of things, and if my family is in danger, the number of things I can do multiplies.”
“You will hate me, too. The offspring will not return, but I will not lose Max husband too.”
“Rick, get one thing through your head. I will always return. You are my husband, and I know whatever is at those coordinates is scaring you, but it will never keep me away from you.”
“I am abomination.” The monotone was back, and Max had a terrible feeling he knew the emotion the computer didn’t recognize.
“Don't you dare apply that word to yourself. You are sweet and smart and absent-minded, but you could never be an abomination.”
“I am,” Rick trumpeted. “If other Hidden ones knew of the individual at those coordinates, they would all call meabomination. They would drive me from their waters. They would remove offspring.”
“What is at those coordinates? You can tell me or I can go find out. Your choice.” Max hated to push Rick, but their kids were now in the middle of this mess. “Trust me,” Max begged. “Trust me with this, Rick.”
Rick shivered. “My parent.”
Max rested his hand on the closest fisted tentacle. “If you have a shit parent, that doesn't make you less wonderful. I read once that Hitler might've had an illegitimate child. No one blames the kid for having one of the evilest fathers in history. If your father is an abomination, then we need to go get the children and get them away from him.”
Despite what Max thought was a reasonable suggestion, Rick didn’t move. “They will see. When they look at him, they will see.”
“They will see what? Is your father some war criminal? Does he have a torture chamber at his house? Tell me what I'm working with here. Please, talk to me.”
“You named me Rick.”
Max blinked, suddenly off-balance and not sure where the conversation was going. “Yes.” At the time, it had more to do with the way he burped and belched his way through conversations, but that was not something Max was willing to share. Not now, anyway. Maybe when they were old and arthritic it would be a cute story to share.
“You name me Rick. Friendly version of Richard. Name for leader. And I tried to lead well. But you make leading difficult.”
“I am well aware I am not a perfect husband. I never will be. We’re both going to screw things up.”
“I cannot lead.” He leaned his head against the wall as if the weight was too much for him to keep upright.
“Do you mean you're not a good leader? You are. If I followed your lead more often, I would land in fewer alien jails. So between the two of us, I think you have the greater claim to common sense, which is a great trait for a leader to have.”
“No one will follow. No one will let me swim in their waters.”
Max was about to slam his head against a wall. Maybe if he inflicted enough damage on himself, Rick would understand how aggravating this situation was. “Why are you an abomination, not that I'm saying you are,” he quickly added. He knew his husband's ability to internalize negativity, and this whole situation seemed to have magnified that. Max tightened his hold on Rick’s tentacle.
“Request: Vow to avoid feelings of hate for me.”
“I promise,” he said with all the conviction he could put into his voice. Hopefully the translator would communicate it.
