Liam blew out a long breath. “That’s a big question.” Liam huffed. He claimed the sound was one of humor, but Ondry had learned it was more likely to signal that Liam was minimizing his own pain. Ondry tightened his arm around Liam’s waist.
“Explain it,” Ondry said softly. He reached around to play with Takil’s toes. Takil grabbed at Ondry’s hands, pursuing them when Ondry moved.
“I can’t. I can’t have sex,” Liam said.
“Okay,” Ondry agreed. He enjoyed non-procreative sex because he relished the way Liam relinquished control of his body. He never wanted to have another morning like this one because Ondry had, in some inexplicable way, harmed Liam. If they needed to avoid sex, then they would.
“But... but you enjoy sex.” Liam frowned at Ondry.
“I enjoy bringing you pleasure,” Ondry corrected him.
“And now I’ve ruined that.” Liam sounded miserable.
“You have ruined nothing. I will always love you,” Ondry reassured him. He wondered if this had something to do with Liam’s difficult sexual past with humans. Those who had hurt Liam had been dead for hundreds of years, and yet the wounds they had left occasionally opened. If Ondry thought it would help, he would go to Earth, find the remains of those who had hurt Liam and tear them apart molecule by molecule.
Liam leaned his head back, resting it against Ondry’s shoulder. “I know I’m being stupid. Takil isn’t human.”
“You are human.”
Liam gave another huffing laugh, which did nothing to reassure Ondry. He waited in silence, playing keep away with Takil, who showed great determination to catch Ondry’s fingers. He had the instinct of a hunter, and he would—one day—steal more than his share of meat from the plate.
“Humans enjoy sex, but they don’t always care about whether their partner enjoys sex.” He stopped.
Ondry paled as he put two pieces of information together—children should not be allowed to see sex and humans had sex with partners who did not enjoy it. Pedophilia. Ondry had read of the illness, and the Grandmothers had warned human authorities that any adult who showed such sickness would not survive an encounter with the Rownt, but Ondry had never thought of the subject as affecting Liam.
“You’re cutting off my oxygen,” Liam said. Ondry loosened his arm.
“No one touched me when I was a child. I just wonder...” Liam squirmed around. “If I hadn’t been so young when Mort targeted me, if I had been older when I started hanging around him and those people who were so... sexual.” Liam’s voice trailed off. Ondry regretted he’d never had a chance to kill that man.
“It’s stupid. It’s not like that with Takil.” Liam let their eggling go, and turned.
“It is not stupid,” Ondry said firmly. “You are human and you cannot forget what is true for you.”
“But we can’t go without sex forever.”
“Not forever,” Ondry said. “In ten or twelve years, Takil will be old enough to want some time away from us.”
“Ten or twelve years?” Liam sounded shocked. “But...”
Ondry waited for him to process his thoughts, but the silence continued too long. No doubt his palteia was trying to find a way to sacrifice his own needs. Again.
“We will have six hundred years of married life. Ten years is equivalent to three or four months of a human relationship.” Ondry still felt ill at the idea that most humans had less than a century of life and their relationships averaged two decades. Ondry suspected six hundred years would not be enough time for him to love Liam as much as he wished to. If he had to give up pleasuring Liam’s body for a short time, he would.
“Humans often stop having sex for that long after they have a child,” Liam said. “I think it’s because they never get to sleep through the night. Sleep deprivation is not sexy.”
“We can follow human custom in this, but we are never accepting a human child,” Ondry said. He adored Takil, but he could not imagine a child that cried. The thought distracted Ondry long enough that Takil caught his finger and bit it.
“One of these days his teeth will grow in, and you will regret this game,” Liam warned.
“Yes,” Ondry said, “I will.” He wiggled the fingers of his other hand, and Takil gave up his prize in an effort to catch this new prey. One day Ondry might regret this, but for now, he was content. His family was happy, and that was enough compensation for Ondry. He found as he grew older, his definition of a good trade had changed.
