Chapter Twenty-Six
Kavon guided Darreninto the apartment. Bennu’s grief filtered through to him, so Kavon wasn’t sure how much pain Darren was enduring. As much as Kavon wanted to protect his lover, he also understood Bennu’s grief. Bennu and Anzu had known each other for a long time, and Kavon got the feeling those two had gotten creative with the rules together. They were both too willing to share power, too quick to act, unlike Pochi. Kavon wondered what it meant that Pochi had joined with Detective Johnson. The man didn’t seem like someone to enforce rules, but guides wanted to join with a mind similar to theirs.
Then again, Johnson had said that Pochi kept his distance outside the gun range. Maybe they weren’t as similar as Bennu and Darren were. Kavon urged Darren to sit, and he sat next to him. “You okay?” Kavon asked. He hadn’t dared to ask earlier because he didn’t want to trigger a meltdown in public. Darren made a lot of noise about being in touch with his feelings, but when it came down to showing them, he was as emotionally constipated as every other federal agent.
“Peachy,” Darren said. He toed his shoes off. “If I was any better I’d hit myself in the head with a blunt instrument until I passed out.”
Kavon pulled Darren’s feet up into his lap and started rubbing them. “Block the bond,” Kavon said softly. Almost immediately, the emotions flowing through the bond faded. All Kavon could feel was Darren’s weariness.
“He liked Anzu.” Darren said.
“I know. I felt his grief,” Kavon said.
Darren huffed. “I hate that Anzu is dead, but I also hate that the ifrit would kill all of us before killing one of their own. I’m feeling a lot of hate.” Silence reigned. Darren took a shuddering breath and Bennu trilled. Darren had never been one to wallow in his hate—that was more Kavon’s method. He’d allowed hate and fear of being discriminated against and all the assholes in the world to make him so angry that he had been backed into a corner.
But on the other side, he liked the corner now that he was in it, and it had brought good people into his life, people who loved and respected him. Kavon rubbed the arch of Darren’s foot. People he could love and respect.
“They don’t see killing a physical body the same as they do destroying a spirit.”
Darren rolled his head to the side and studied Kavon. “I’m not looking for logic.”
Kavon nodded. He understood that. Sometimes it felt good to just wallow in a little anger and hate. However, Darren didn’t feel like someone wallowing. His emotional pile was empty, as if Bennu’s pain had washed out every emotion.
“Come on.” Kavon stood and pulled Darren to his feet. “Between the epic battle of good and evil and the paperwork that followed, we both need to go to bed.”
Darren allowed Kavon to pull him into the bedroom. “I’m pretty sure that was an epic battle between two forces, both of which think they know best.”
“You described every war in human history.” Kavon guided them to the bedroom and gave Darren a push toward the bed.
“Yeah.” Darren pulled his shirt off and threw it at the corner before unfastening his pants.
Kavon retrieved the shirt and dropped it and his own shirt into the laundry basket. It worried him that Darren had an emptiness to him. Bennu was still in the living room, his soft keening filling the apartment with melancholy. Kavon mentally pushed his bull to tend to Bennu. Instead of the usual argument, he got back an image of a buffalo circling the herd to protect it from predators. That was a little ironic given that Bennu had much more raw power than Kavon’s bull.
Kavon stepped right in front of Darren and rested his hands on Darren’s shoulders. They stood in silence, touching. The bond open and whispering of soft forms of pain.
Eventually Darren whispered. “All that stuff Butler said—he believed it. Anzu believed it. They thought they were right.”
“Most people do,” Kavon pointed out. “Even when I think back to the worst people in my life, I think they saw themselves as good. It says something pretty shitty about me as an individual that the kids I went to high school with are up there with serial killers in my personal list of human garbage I’ve had to deal with, but I think even they saw themselves as heroes of their own stories.”
Anger and indignation finally cut through the fog that had enveloped Darren. “They used the n-word on you. They are garbage.”
Teenage Kavon would have agreed. “Were they evil or scared?” he asked. He wasn’t as sure now.
“Same thing.” Darren collapsed back onto the bed.
Kavon sat next to him. “Not really. Hell, how many killers have family members who still love them? Matt Luschese loved his father.”
Darren put his arm over his eyes. “He turned on his father, and thank God he did. The elder Luschese was a monster.”
“One who thought he was justified because the government was just one more thief trying to steal his money.”
After shifting his arm, Darren frowned at him. “Are you trying to convince me to feel better or worse?”
Kavon shrugged. “I’m just telling the truth. When we track a suspect, we know they’re going to have neighbors that like them, parents that love them, kids, girlfriends, boyfriends, co-workers. They’re going to go out for beers with their friends on the weekend. Some of them volunteer their time and go to church.”
“Great. So evil looks exactly like normal.”
Kavon laid next to Darren and rested his hand on Darren’s stomach. “No, evil is what we choose to do. Anzu and Butler chose to drop magic all over the city. They chose to target you, and they were at that NCCP conference for a reason that had nothing to do with writing a newspaper story.”
