Ben shrugged. “Trust me. I’ve lived worse places than prison.”
“But...” Shank let his voice trail off. He clearly didn’t have any other options.
Allie asked about her worst fear. “What if they kill you?”
“That’s not likely. I worked for SC, and they’re coldhearted bastards about finishing a mission, but they’re not going to hurt someone unless they need to. If I don’t threaten the mission, they won’t hurt me. And honestly, there is not a better play here. I walk out and confuse them. If they leave me alone, I’ll crew up on some ship and meet you back here in six months. Hell, I have a better chance of walking out of this mission alive than you do, so don’t look at me like I’m offering to walk the plank.”
Emotion overwhelmed Allie until she pushed Shank’s hand away and stormed out of the room. How the hell was she supposed to do this again? When theCandiruhad left Jacqs and Zeke on the mining colony, Jacqs had all but ordered her to stay on the ship. He told her to get the kids to safety, and she’d done it. She’d left them behind, and died a little every day since then. She couldn’t do it again.
“Allie!” Shank called after her.
Allie was in the corridor and moving fast, even if she didn’t know where she was going.Away. That was where she was going. She couldn’t stand in that room and let them make the same decision again. Shank’s voice called out behind her, and Allie broke into a run. She turned a corner and ran into a crewwoman getting off a transporter.
“Hey, whoa there,” the woman said kindly, catching Allie by the shoulders. Allie wanted to punch her for getting in the way, for living her life without being forced into these choices, for looking like Anpaytoo. Yep, that seemed fair. She wanted to punch a woman because she looked like a younger, heavier version of Shank’s mother.
“I’ve got her, Tasina. Thanks,” Shank said, and he wrapped his arms around Allie’s waist and pulled her back.
“Okay.” Tasina looked a little alarmed, but she slid past them and continued down the corridor.
“Come on,” Shank whispered in her ear. “I know someplace close.”
Allie closed her eyes and struggled with the helpless anger that made her want to scream, but in the end she followed Shank. He led her into the transporter, out, and then down a short corridor. They turned into a small room that had clear-fronted cabinets filled with old-fashioned books and papers and maps of worlds Allie had never seen hung on the walls. Shank pulled her toward an oversize chair. It was a tight fit for two adults, but they squeezed together.
“I can’t do this,” Allie said. “I can’t leave someone else behind.”
“Oh, Allie.”
“Don’t ‘oh Allie’ me. Can you tell me that you’re honestly okay with this?”
Shank took a deep breath as he traced lines up and down Allie’s right arm. “You grew up on a planet.”
“And? We aren’t talking upbringing here.”
“Yeah, we are,” Shank said softly. “I’ve watched my parents order weapons to engage knowing I have cousins in the hot room. I’ve gone to the funerals, watched my parents hug the spouse and the kids.” Shank pursed his lips, and his dark eyes shone. “I’ve already had to struggle through this. It’s horrible and I hate it, but Ben is being a realist, just like Zeke and Jacqs were realists. If things are worth fighting for, then they’re worth dying for.”
Allie shook her head, vehement about denying that entire piece of logic. “You’re talking like Ben is already gone. He’s not. So what if someone saw him. There’s no reason to think that information is going anywhere other than some report that an officer may or may not read in a month.”
“Do you believe that?”
Allie stared at Shank. She wanted to believe that. She did. “I would rather be the one walking out there. I don’t want to watch people walk into danger.”
“I know.”
“I sat on theCandiruand waited when you got caught up in that SC mission. When our sensors picked up the nuclear explosion, Zeke and I looked at each other, and each of us knew we’d lost the one person we loved. It killed me, Shank. I couldn’t stand the thought that you were dead.” Allie wrapped her fingers in the front of his shirt and held on as emotions she’d shoved aside rushed through her all at once. She couldn’t breathe, but Shank kept rubbing her arm. “We can’t do that to Becca,” she finished, her voice soft. If she tried using full volume, she was going to cry, and she knew it. She hated crying.
“You’re right. This is going to kill Becca, but we aren’t giving up on Ben. We’re just splitting up to improve our chances. The other option is to sit here like paper targets in a shooting range. If we do that, Ben has to live with the guilt of knowing he’s the one who brought the SC down on our heads. Which do you think he’d rather live with: prison or knowing that?”
“Prison,” Allie said. It didn’t mean she liked it.
“Exactly,” Shank pointed out.
Allie pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes and struggled with the anger and her hatred for herself that still boiled hot in her gut. She should be able to handle this better. Shank and Ben were keeping it together, and she was the one who couldn’t deal.
“I’m pathetic,” Allie said.
“What? No, you’re not. Why would you say that?” Shank demanded.
“Because I’m falling apart. Kind of obvious.”
