I type back.
ME:I'm in. I'll be ready.
The reply comes fast.
LEITNER:You sure? No pressure if you need more time.
ME:I'm sure.
I lock the phone and set it on my chest, staring at the ceiling.
If I walk away from this, I'll never look in a mirror again without seeing a coward.
I have to go. I have to race. I have to prove that I'm not just some guy who got lucky and then fell apart.
Then maybe I'll be enough.
I glance over at Élise, still asleep at the table. Her face is soft in the glow of the laptop screen, hair falling into her eyes, shoulders slumped.
She looks exhausted. Worn down.
I did that.
I watch her for a long time, trying to figure out what I want from her anymore.
I used to want to own her. To be the guy who earned the princess, who proved he was good enough to stand beside her.
But that's not what this is anymore.
I don't know what it is.
I close my eyes and try to sleep, but my mind won't stop running.
You are enough. Even if you never race again.
I don't believe her.
***
When I wake up the next day, it's still dark. My knee is throbbing. The blanket has slipped off.
I reach for my phone. Open the calendar. Lenzerheide. Five days. If I'm going to start training on snow, I have to leave today.
I get up, grab my boxers, wince at the pain, and limp into the bathroom.
"So, you're leaving," her voice behind me. I can see her tired face in the bathroom mirror, as I brush my teeth.
I spit the foam and look at her reflection.
"Like I said I was."
She nods, crosses her arms. "When you return, I won't be here."
"What?" I almost choke on the water in my mouth.
"I'm moving out."
"And you're just telling me now?"
