"I don't mind."
I do, though. I mind the image of her waiting at a bus stop in the cold, or driving away after we say goodbye, in the middle of the night.
And a cold terror grasps my throat at the idea of media finding that out, of her father’s cold smile as he sees the article.
"Just book the close one," I say. "I'll cover it."
She looks at me. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. It's fine."
It's not fine. But I don't know how to say that without admitting something I'm not ready to admit.
She clicks through the booking page. Enters her card info. Pauses.
"Wait. Shit."
"What?"
"I clicked the wrong dates."
I lean over. She's searched Thursday to Saturday. But the race is Saturday. She'd have to check out the morning of the race.
"Okay, so search for Saturday night."
She's already clicking through, searching. Her face goes pale.
"There's nothing available Saturday night."
"What do you mean nothing?"
"I mean sold out. Completely. Every hotel within twenty kilometers."
I stare at the screen. She scrolls. Every listing shows the same thing:No availability.
"Maybe I can get you into the team hotel. They sometimes have overflow rooms..."
"Nico, don't."
"Or I can ask Katharina if..."
"Nico." Her voice cracks. "Stop. It's fine. I'll just stay home."
She’s just being reasonable. And I hate it. She shouldn’t have to be reasonable. Not about money, not about hotels and trips. She never had to. And now under my watch she has to.
She closes the laptop. Stands. Walks to the sink and starts washing her tea cup even though it's already clean. I stay at the table and watch her standing at the sink. Her shoulders tense, and suddenly it all feels like a weight I can’t carry.
“You give up the time with me so easily?” I ask pointedly.
Because if I don’t say something, my feelings will crush me.
She turns to face me slowly, eyes cold. “What exactly are blaming me of, Nico?”
The hell like I know.
“I don’t know,” I say. “Perhaps that you go on looking or demand I ask the federation about spare rooms or…”
“It’s just a weekend, Nico, you have enough on your plate without arranging my expensive trip.”
