“I can’t tell you that. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to lose him.”
“I know. But I can’t tell you how to let him go.” He didn’t have the answers she sought, and he wasn’t going to gloss over the truth for a lie that would hurt more in the end. “I can’t tell you how to walk your road.”
“You can only walk yours.” She nodded jerkily, eyes looking a little wet. “I know.”
He wondered if she truly did. “There are many people who see you as their hope. I can’t imagine that is an easy burden to bear.”
She curled in on herself, letting out a watery laugh. “How do you do it? How do you rule? Because I don’t know how, or if I even want to, but everyone expects me to. Meleri and her family crowned me before I even knew it was mine to take.”
Honovi sighed, tucking his hands into the pockets of his flight jacket. “I’mjarlto Clan Storm, but whenever I take my father’s place, I won’t rule alone. My country isn’t governed by a monarchy.”
“Maybe Ashion shouldn’t be one either.”
“The North Star says otherwise.”
“I don’t want the starfire throne,” Caris whispered, harsh and low, almost like a prayer begging to be answered. “I don’t want to be anyone’s queen.”
“There were times when I was younger where I resented my family and the responsibilities put upon us. But clan is family and country to us E’ridians. I learned, eventually, that duty is an act of submission. It is no less sacred than love.”
She looked up at him at that, bottom lip trembling. “I love Nathaniel.”
“Yes, but can you love your country more?”
Caris didn’t answer, gaze skating away. Honovi didn’t press; it wasn’t his place to beg her to rule. Meleri and the rest of that lot could crown her, but a crown didn’t make a queen, and Caris seemed to know that.
“I wanted to be an engineer,” she whispered.
“So be one. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be a queen as well.”
“I don’t know anything about ruling.”
“But you know how to build things, yes?” She blinked at him, a frown tugging at her lips, before nodding. “So start there.”
Honovi gave her a faint, encouraging smile before slipping out of the cabin, leaving Caris to get settled. He went abovedeck, nearly running into Blaine on his way below. “We have a good tailwind for now and your navigator has the controls. I wanted to check you over.”
“Fine by me. I have something for you anyway,” Honovi said, smiling.
“Oh?”
“Come with me.”
Honovi stepped back down the narrow set of stairs, making his way back to the cabins and the one that was twice as large as Caris’, which wasn’t saying much. But the captain’s quarters were always far more comfortable than the rest. He and Blaine had spent years learning how to navigate around each other in such cramped space. It was easy and comforting, knowing that Honovi only had to reach out and Blaine would be there.
“How is everyone back home?” Blaine asked once he’d shut the door behind them.
“Mostly alive. TheComhairle nan Cinnidheanis keeping the Seneschal sequestered, claiming an illness, but I’m not sure how long that excuse will hold. We’re in the midst of the summer session, and the Deputy Seneschal can only do so much before people start questioning the situation,” Honovi said.
“Do you think they’ll reveal therionetkas?”
“It’d do no one any good to disclose them, not when we don’t know who officially made them or why. Accusing Eimarille of interfering with our right as a sovereign nation without proof won’t go over well.”
“And with her already clawing at Ashion’s borders, it’d be an excuse to push east faster.” Blaine grimaced as he took a seat on the bunk, resting his elbows on his knees. “I hope the wardens have some sort of answer for us. If they do, we could possibly save Gregor as well.”
“I don’t know if they will. I don’t know if they can undo what’s been done to arionetka.”
“Not their body,” Blaine agreed after a fraught few seconds. “Perhaps their mind, if we’re lucky.”
