She spoke openly because the laboratory was heavily spelled to keep the clarion crystals stable. No one would think it odd that magic existed in their laboratory or that they would have spells to block eavesdroppers due to their company’s proprietary information. Still, Caris knew, from her years under the duchess’ tutelage, how much of a risk it could be.
She also knew driving someone away completely simply because she was angry was never good business.
Caris fiddled with the hem of her work blouse, cognizant of the drab clothing she wore, her dirty hands, and messy hair. But Nathaniel had seen her in such a state before and never minded. “Very well.”
Portia nodded slightly before leaving the laboratory. “I’ll bring him.”
Caris used those precious few seconds to clean herself up a bit. Not that Nathaniel had ever minded her appearance after lab work when she was in university.
Portia returned a few minutes later, Nathaniel at her back, hat in hand and an anxious expression on his face. She waved him inside before pinning Caris with a stern look. “I’ll return in twenty minutes.”
She left them alone, closing the door behind her and leaving them without a chaperone. Nathaniel cleared his throat but didn’t move from his spot by the door. “After the other day, I suppose I see now why your mother wasn’t as strict with chaperone duty the last year.”
“What makes you say that?” Caris asked sharply.
He gestured at nothing, eyes on her. “Your innate gift.”
It was a tactful, roundabout way of speaking, but Caris was done with secrets for the moment. “You mean my magic?”
Nathaniel appeared pained. “You shouldn’t—”
“Our laboratory is spelled. We can speak plainly here.”
“It’s never wise to speak openly when the crown princess is within the city limits.”
“Then how do you wish to have this conversation?”
“With honesty.” Nathaniel stepped forward. “I came to apologize for what hurt I may have caused you, but I can’t apologize for keeping secrets to keep others safe. As a fellow cog, you must understand that duty.”
Caris tipped her head to the side, blinking slowly. “I know what duty means, and I know what it asks of me for the Clockwork Brigade and my family’s company.”
“Please believe me when I say I had no knowledge of your position, that you were a cog.”
“Would it have changed things if you had?”
Nathaniel shook his head, something like fondness seeping into his gaze. “No. You’ve always been exactly what you are.”
“And what’s that?”
“Someone who cares. You wouldn’t have stayed by Fulcrum’s side if you didn’t.”
Favor was coveted by those within high society. Caris had learned the steps of that dance because she’d had to. Meleri wouldn’t let her shirk her lessons on navigating amongst the nobility in lieu of staying in her room, fiddling with her latest invention. Machines still made more sense to her, but she’d gotten better with people because of the Auclairs.
Caris stood, smoothing down her wrinkled blouse. Nathaniel’s eyes followed the motion of her hands before snapping back up to her face. Caris had no dearth of dance partners these days, unlike her first visit to Amari. But the one she danced with more than all the rest on those evenings stood before her with his hand outstretched, asking for a forgiveness she could only in good conscience give.
There was no point in being angry with him. Nathaniel had been kept in the dark as much as she had when it came to their positions. He was right in that they were both cogs, spinning in place amongst all the rest, working to keep the Clockwork Brigade from falling apart. If she were to be angry at his secrets, she’d have to be angry at her own.
“Do you know I’ve never looked at another since I saw you scribbling in your notebook in Tristan’s class that day?” Nathaniel said.
“His name is Blaine.”
Nathaniel smiled wanly. “Old habit.”
“My mother doesn’t care for him.”
“He’s as dedicated as they come. Like you.” Nathaniel closed the distance between them and reached for her hand, lifting it so he could brush a kiss over her knuckles. She let him. “My deepest apologies for making you think I didn’t care about you. I do, Caris. Truly.”
She tightened her fingers over his, staring up at him. “We all keep secrets. I’d rather you and I didn’t.”
