He eyed the notepad. “I don’t see a list.”
“It’s in my head.” I looked him in the eye and immediately wanted to look away. I couldn’t take it. This was still the man I’d married. The one person in the entire universe I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The man I’d fallen in love with—and the man who now told me, out of spite, to change my status to single.
“All right. Go on,” he said tiredly. “List your demands.”
And his voice.
You ruined me, you fucking bastard.
I let out a breath. “We’re not getting a divorce,” I started by saying. His eyebrows hitched a fraction. “From now on—and at least for a year or two—we will make this transition as easy as humanly possible for our children. Lily is too young tounderstand the meaning of her parents breaking up, and Micah will spiral.” Our boy’s anxiety was entirely tied to being left behind and not having his safe space.
Nobody would think he was anything but a happy little boy if he was surrounded by family. But that happiness, and his sense of being carefree, took a big hike if his people weren’t nearby. He couldn’t even handle a sleepover at Theo and Claire’s house. Micah was fine with his grandparents’ houses if Ash and I weren’t around him. That was all.
“I’m with you so far,” Ash replied quietly. “I’m pretty sure Lily would recover the fastest, though.”
I was unsure. Studies showed the younger, the better, in terms of readjusting and so on. But we knew she was a bit different. We already suspected she might be on the autism spectrum.
“We can’t know that for sure,” I said. “We do know how she reacted when we moved her bed to the other side of the room.”
He inclined his head in a silentfair enough.
“Which brings me to my next demand,” I went on. “I want you to find an apartment not too far away from here. You and I will be the ones going back and forth every week. Not them. This is their home.”
He clenched his jaw and swallowed, and he nodded with a dip of his chin. “Okay.”
The evident pain in his eyes became too much for me, and I dropped my gaze to the empty notepad. I could only guess what was going through his mind. Was this really happening? Eighteen years, just gone?
At least, that was what had been running on a loop in the back of my mind since yesterday.
“We’ll tell our parents soon,” I said. “Because I think we’ll need their support. But I don’t want to tell Dylan and Hallie until after the holidays.”
I felt the slight vibration in the table when he started bouncing his knee restlessly, and I heard him sniffle, which made me look up.
He was looking away, but I didn’t need to see more. He was trying to hold it together.
What was it about seeing your loved one hurting? It tore me apart far quicker than suffering on my own.
“Got it.” He cleared his throat.
Where was the tantrum? He was supposed to pick a fight and call me heartless or…whatever.Anything, so that I could shield myself with anger and numbness.
“In, uh…in short, I’d like for us to get through this as parents,” I said. Fuck, I couldn’t choke up now. “And slowly. To give the kids enough time toseethat us separating doesn’t mean we won’t be strong as a family.”
He was done with eye contact altogether. He kept his stare fixed on the fridge or something over there, while he absently cracked his knuckles and fidgeted with his wedding band.
He pulled it off less than half an inch, just enough for me to see the tan line underneath, before he returned it to its place.
I couldn’t imagine taking mine off. I’d have to deal with that way, way down the road.
We had to pretend anyway.
“We should finish fixing up the house so we can eventually sell it,” I mentioned. “I’m gonna need all the profit we can get if I want to live in a decent area in the future.”
He cleared his throat and faced forward again, except he kept his gaze downcast. “You can take the house,” he said quietly. “I’ll stay at the apartment full time. I’m the one who works late around here. The kids are used to me coming home late a couple times a week.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Ash. The house is mostly yours. It’s your inheritance—I’m not touching that money. And I don’t want you to have less time with the children either.”
“I won’t. I’ll be here until they go to bed. I’m just saying, it makes more sense that I excuse some of my absence by saying I’m workin’ late.” He scrubbed a hand over his jaw and looked away once more. He tried to be subtle when he wiped his cheek.
