We hadn’t actually expected much from this process, but it still stung.
“We’ve just begun this journey.” I put a hand on his thigh.
He nodded slowly.
“I think I need to hunt down a brat or throw some knives tonight,” he muttered.
I rubbed his thigh. Truth be told, I had zero desire to attend a kink party tonight, though I’d do it for him.
“I love you, Ash.”
He released a breath and leaned up against me, and he draped an arm around me. “I love you more.”
Impossible.
Do you remember that following Father’s Day? You came home from work with a card. You squeezed me tightly and kissed my temple as I read the words, “I don’t know when, but it is a when, not an if. Happy Father’s Day, baby.”
I still have that card in my nightstand drawer.
CHAPTER 4
Ten years ago
Boston
Ash Riley
Islammed the car door shut and released a breath, then basically hugged the wheel as I tried to get my shit together.
I couldn’t face Nathan until I’d pushed down all the anger in my body.
Work was over for the day, and now I had to…somehow put a smile on my face and prepare for John and Kirk’s baby shower tomorrow. They’d brought their new daughter home from South Korea last week, completing their family of six.
Nate and I had discussed trying international adoption, but something inside me couldn’t go through with it. I just fucking couldn’t. My brother and I were the products of broken families, and we had so many children right here in the US who needed a safe home. I’d been born an addict. My biological mother had been shooting up heroin throughout her pregnancy. My brother’s biological parents had lost custody before he’d turnedone, and they were spending the rest of their lives in prison on trafficking charges and murder.
Deep breaths.
I couldn’t let our friends’ joyous occasion wreck my recovery from last year.
We’d been so close. So hopeful. Nathan had even bought a pair of baby socks.
And then…
“I’m sorry to let you know she’s changed her mind. She wants parents who will raise their child in a Christian home.”
I white-knuckled the wheel and drew a deep breath, and I held it until my lungs started burning.
Exhale slowly.
My phone buzzed with a message, and I dug it out of my pocket to see a text from Nate.
I’m not in the mood to cook. Can you pick up pizza on the way home? I know we’ve done that too much lately, but I’m just too tired.
I knew the feeling. We weren’t in the mood to do much of anything these days. Kink hadn’t been on our radar for months, and we’d stopped meeting up with friends.
The latter was mostly because they wanted to give friendly advice.
“Try surrogacy!”
