Outside, the air temperature has dropped. My breath fans out in front of me in wisps of smoke. Descending the steps is a lot easier, maybe because I have more on my mind. My first plan of action is getting Tab to trust me. How do I make her see that I’m for real? That I’m not going anywhere?
Once I’m on the ground, the flat cement meeting me, I pull out my phone. First, I send a text to Tab:
Me: Good night, gorgeous.
Then, I send a text to the group thread:
Me: Say I liked a girl, how do I tell them it’s for real?
Reid: If this has anything to do with the dating show, we’re not helping.
Me: It’s not about the dating show.
Tipper: Why do you like her?
Me: What?
Tipper: Just answer the question.
This is stupid. I huff, grab my car keys, get in, and then stare down at the phone.Why do I like her? What do they care?
Reid: Good question.
Reid: Waiting…
There are a hundred things I want to write, like why they’re always giving me a hard time, but since I’m asking for their advice, I push that thought down.
Me: Because she’s special. Because she doesn’t put up with my shit. And we laugh together.
Micah: The first thing you should do is make sure she’s not crazy. If she’s sending you messages that she likes you back, she might need to go into a psych ward.
Me: *middle finger emoji*
Me: Ok, so from what you’re not saying, I guess none of you have game, and the perfect women for you fell into your laps.
Me: Got it.
Reid: Yeah, we’ll go with that.
Tipper: I don’t know, I think he might be serious.
Micah: Talk to us in a few days if you feel the same.
I roll my eyes and toss my phone in the passenger seat.
Wonderful. No one fucking takes me seriously.
9
Tab
Flipping my spatula, I take a deep breath, the smell of pancakes cooking on the electric griddle filling my nostrils, the air moving freely through my lungs. I feel better than I have in weeks.
In fact, I feel so good that I’ve decided I’m going to work today. I figure if I can survive an argument with Levi, I can survive some time at work. I can’t live in my bed forever.
After a few minutes, I check the bottom of the pancake and move it over to the pile of finished ones. I wasn’t sure if Micah was still here, but a looming presence comes up behind me, and I’m glad I decided on making more. For a second, a little hope-filled part of me thought it could be Levi.
Which is crazy. I told him to leave me alone last night. But the reality is, hanging out with him was fun. He’s funny and kind, and the way he didn’t push when I asked him not to take my robe off was perfect.
