Me: You really think I was at bandcamp?
Me: Also
Me: I KNEW YOU WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME.
Tab: Not the WHOLE time.
Tab: The one word texts are a little annoying. I could’ve done without those.
Me: Good. Now you know I get annoying as hell when I’m ignored.
She starts and stops texting a few times, as evidenced by the dots coming up and vanishing. I rub my neck, wondering if she’s about to give me what for, or something worse.
Tab: How was your dating show thing?
My stomach squeezes. I felt unwell talking to Andrea, but how do I say that without coming across as an asshole? It’s not only that Andrea is the wrong girl for me, it’s everything the dating show represents. I’m not that guy anymore, and I resent everything about it. I don’t need a reminder that there was once a part of me that thought being on a dating show would be fun.
Me: Pretty terrible actually.
Tab: Does the Levi Soucy have bad dates?
Tab: Does the Big Dick Levi lose his charm sometimes? *gasp*
I smile. I could get used to talking to Tab. She doesn’t take herself seriously all the time, and she gives as good as she gets. However, she’s misreading the reason why my date was so bad. I’ll have to clear that up.
Me: No, Tab. It’s because the girl wasn’t you.
Tab: Obviously. I would never go on a dating show.
Tab: Wait. Unless the guy was Chris Hemsworth, then a bitch will get out of bed for that.
Me: Isn’t he married?
Tab: Hence why I said I would never go on a dating show.
Me: Now I’m jealous.
Tab: You’ll get over it.
Me: I don’t think I will since you have completely glossed over the point. I wanted the date to be with you.
Tab: It’s late. You’re delirious. You’ve probably been knocked in the head one too many times.
Me: Though the last one could be true, it doesn’t make what I said untrue.
Tab: I don’t get you.
Me: I don’t get you either. Usually when I tell girls I’m into them, they at least acknowledge it. Hell, most even flatter me by saying it back.
Tab: See. That’s the problem. You haven’t been turned down enough in your life.
I don’t know what to say to that one, so I keep staring at my phone, wishing her last response would change. Is she joking? Or is she really turning me down?
Confusion sweeps through me. I guess that’s evidence that I don’t get turned down enough because it’s followed by shock. She can’t really be serious. I wait for her to text or to send a laughing emoji but it never comes.
Tab: You alright there, Playboy?
Me: No, I think I’m going to go cry myself to sleep.
