Judging by the light seeping through the windows, I guessed it was midday. I’d stumbled into bed in the early hours of morning, shortly before dawn. I’d barely slept since my return from Salaire, consumed with my thoughts of Erina and ignoring an odd sensation of warning in my gut.
The moment I’d hit my bed, I’d been lost to the world. I felt refreshed, the sleep much needed, but my head felt heavy. I’d become so used to regular feedings from mykyranathat if I went without, I felt weakened and aching. It was part of the bond, I reasoned. It made one more dependent on their mate, a biological impulse to remain close.
I got dressed slowly, remembering Erina’s confrontation last night in my study.
Tread carefully,a voice warned silently.Or you’ll lose her.
Just as I was addicted to her. Just when I’d discovered that she loved another.
Another female hell-bent on using me for my family name. For my wealth. And it stung all the more because it was mykyranathis time.
Even still…I’d wanted to hurt her last night.
It should fill me withreliefto know she had someone else. All I’d wanted, after all, was to keep her at a distance until I figured out how to navigate this unfortunate pairing. Until after the completion of the South Road, perhaps, and we had a war bond in place with the Kaazor to the north. At least then, my territory would be more secure, more capable of withstanding a new scandal.
But instead, knowing she loved another filled me with rage, with jealousy that seared itself into my very bones because I knew that she would never be mine alone.
And I wanted to hurt her because of it. I wanted her to feel what I felt.
That was why I’d done what I’d done, I reasoned. If she wanted to use me for my wealth, then I would use her for her blood. But I wanted her to know that I knew about Luc Denoren—her mate of choice. My pride demanded it.
I’d misjudged her, but perhaps her friend, Velle, had been right. Perhaps she wasn’t as innocent and kindhearted as I’d thought. Perhaps she’d been calculating and plotting this since the very beginning.
I needed to wrap my head around that before I saw her again. I needed to compartmentalizethisErina with the one that I’d spent that night in the library with—the one whose joy of the landscape projections had been infectious, the one who’d been content to simply be with me in her hand-me-down nightdress, the one who I’d been able to drop my guard around. Or, as she called it, my mask.
I would need to mourn the loss ofthatfemale, the one who made me want to throw caution away and disregard whatever the nobles said about her.
Because, briefly, I’d thought I could be happy withher.
She’d been so different from any female I’d known. Tittering, practiced females, who’d learned from a young age to be clever.Every interaction with them had felt like a game, and I’d always been on edge anticipating their next move. I could never relax because they’d always wanted something from me.
Erina had been simple. Comforting. Genuine.
And I’d been so wrong about her.
She’d been just like all the rest.
After I dressed, I went to my study, locking myself in for hours trying to distract myself. Maudoric came in once to deliver a tray of food I wasn’t hungry for. She looked worried when she glanced over at me, her brows furrowed, her lips pressed together.
“What?” I asked, the word snapping from me.
She merely shook her head and then retreated from my harsh mood. I didn’t see her again until night came.
When the knock came on my door and she stepped in, I looked up blearily. My eyes felt tight in their sockets, my wings cramped. I needed to stretch or perhaps take a long flight to get my blood pumping.
“What?” I asked, gentling my tone this time though I was still in a foul mood. If not fouler.
Maudoric stepped up to my desk. No food or deliveries in her hands, which was what she usually ventured up here for.
“There’s talk in the kitchens,” she informed me.
My jaw gritted. I didn’t need to be bothered with idle gossip, but then I realized that Maudoric wouldn’t come to me unless it was serious.
“About?” I prompted, my gaze flickering back to the export approvals.
“The keepers are saying that Erina left this morning.”
I froze. Then frowned.
