“Now I won’t always wonder what could have been.”
I turned from him, my heart both heavy and broken. I didn’t expect it toacheso much.
As I left his study, I didn’t look back once.
CHAPTER 24
ERINA
By dawn, I had all my belongings packed in the same bag that I’d come to the keep with. One I’d purchased for mere credits at a vendor stall in the market, shortly after I’d left Wrezaan’s. The handle was frayed, barely holding on by mere threads, and I worried that this was the final trip where it’d give up on me.
There was something sad about my entire life being packed into a single bag. While I didn’t own much, I’d always dreamed of a home filled with lovely things. Permanent things that I’d picked up on travels or had been gifts from friends. Things that held special meaning. Things that could never be taken away from me.
In my bag, I had the clothes that I owned, my vial of perfume, my tin of pencils, and the plethora of notebooks I’d kept over the years. I’d discarded a couple dresses so that they would all fit—and I’d left my keeper uniforms, and my trusty apron, hanging in the wardrobe. I didn’t have much, and it was probably a lucky thing that I didn’t.
I’d done something bad as well. I’d gone to the starlight hallway, walking down it for the last time in the early hours ofmorning, and ventured to the sitting room where everything had changed. I went to the console drawer, where I’d hidden the vase fragments, and I stole one of the larger pieces. It really was a lovely color, and this one had the most of the delicately painted and foiled vines and flowers on it. It would be the one thing I took from House Kaalium—and I wanted it to be a reminder.
I’d wrapped it up in a spare cloth and shoved it into the side of my traveling bag. Before I left, I made sure my letters were safely tucked into my pocket.
When the sun rose over the distant mountains, I took a final look around the room and left. The keep was quiet, though I would try to avoid any keepers on my way out.
My emotions oscillated from numbness to anger to heartbreak to betrayal. On a constant loop. As I made my way through the darkened halls of the keep that had been my home for the last two years, I felt another emotion creep into my heart.Sorrow.
I had been content here. It had been the first time I’d felt secure. I would never forget that.
But I tightened my hand on my traveling bag and moved on. When I passed Kaldur’s closed door to his quarters, I didn’t even blink.
Move forward, move forward,I told myself. It was all I would allow myself to think. Move forward and start new, far from here.
Far away fromhim.
But on my way out of the keep, right when I’d made itnearlyto the front door, I heard a familiar voice.
“Erina? Where in Raazos’s name are you going at this hour?”
I blew out a breath and turned to find Velle watching me. She was dressed already, her face freshly scrubbed. She looked like was on her way to the kitchens, halting by the staircase that I’d just come down.
She was one of the last people I wanted to see. When Kaldurhad told me what Velle had said…I’d believed it. Ididbelieve that she’d tried to drive a wedge between us. The ugliest part was that it waseasyto believe.
And that should tell me everything I needed to know about someone I considered a friend. Was I so desperate to be loved by someone that I was willing to overlook anything?
That was something I needed to figure out for myself. But it wouldn’t be here.
“I’m leaving,” I told her.
Her eyes widened. Silence lapsed in the atrium, which just last night had been filled with a plethora of people from all over Vyaan.
“What do you mean you’releaving?” Velle asked carefully, her eyes narrowing on me. She looked to my bag, and she blinked, stilling. “As in leaving the keep? For good?”
“Yes,” I replied.
Velle’s chin tilted up. She didn’t look surprised…so why did that surprise me?
I shifted the handle to my other hand. “Kaldur told me that you said I shouldn’t be trusted,” I said. “Is that what you really believe?”
The numbness was sliding back into my chest, spreading as I watched her. I was actually glad I’d run into her, I decided. Because I was done making excuses for people. I should start listening to them when they revealed who they truly were instead of wishing that they were different.
“I—that’s not…” Velle started, but then she inhaled a sharp breath.
