I didn’t know what he was doing, but I didn’t think it had anything to do with respect.
Still, I didn’t want to upset Maudoric. The party did seem lovely. It was lit with golden sconces that made the room glow and glitter. There was food aplenty, presented on a plethora of tables throughout the room, and I thought I should try every last morsel I could. It would give me something to do at least.
A thought occurred to me, hopeful. “Is Syndras here?”
I knew that she and Maudoric were friends.
My heart sank when the Head Keeper shook her head. “She’svisiting family in Kyne and won’t return until next week. But I think her daughter is expected tonight.”
“Right,” I said. I needed to visit soon.
I wasn’t used to so many people’s eyes on me when I stepped into the ballroom. I felt naked and on display in this silly dress, like a trinket or a possession placed on a shelf.
But maybe that was just the hurt.
After that night in his room, I’d felt discarded. And I was trying to come to terms with that and failing miserably. That maybe I’d read it all wrong. That maybe someone like Kaldur just took what he wanted and didn’t look back to see the effects he had on others.
Yet you agreed to this. You chose this. You initiated that moment in his room,that little voice of logical reason whispered in my mind.
He’d told me to leave, after all. I hadn’t listened. Instead I’d felt very hollow in the aftermath of that night. Made even more so when Maudoric had informed me that she’d deposited my funds for the month from House Kaalium’s accounts.
It became clear what I was. A paid whore, whether it was for my blood or my body.
And I was more than a little ashamed to admit that I’d felt sorry for myself, allowing myself to wallow a little as I tried to mend my hurt.
But this morning, I’d told myselfenough. I’d willingly placed myself in this situation, and now I needed to navigate it.
There was still a small part that held on to hope. There was still a small part of me that thought I only needed to talk to Kaldur when his guard was down, to tell him how I felt. Because how else would he know?
I had hoped that that would be tonight. He hadn’t come to me in the last two days for his feedings. I’d almost thought he’d left the territory again until I’d heard he was still in the keep from Maudoric when she’d delivered mybaanyeand, now, marroswood.
Maybe there will still be an opportunity,I thought, sighing. I caught sight of Kaldur milling around the room, looking dangerously handsome in his deep blue vest and pressed dark trews. He stole everyone’s attention—even mine.
My heart ached just looking at him. Because it made me remember what it felt like to kiss him, to hear his groans in my ear, and feel the flood of his release inside me. To see him with his walls lowered and feel a pinching ache in my breast when I realized he wassadand maybe even a little lost. Just like me.
Thatwas the Kaldur I wanted. Not the grinning, charmingKyzairewho effortlessly got everyone to do what he wanted.
“If Syndras were here,” Maudoric said quietly. I nearly jumped, forgetting her presence behind me. “She would tell you that that every noble in here is looking for a weakness in you. Don’t give them a reason to talk.”
My breath hitched as I turned. But Maudoric was already retreating.
Taking her place was a Kylorr female before I even could think about what I should do next.
“Salairian silk?” asked the female, eyeing my dress. “I would know it anywhere. You must be very special for theKyzaireto give you such a lavish gift.”
I blinked, my tongue momentarily tied up in knots as I scrambled for something to say. I made things up for my stories all the time, so why couldn’t I now? Why couldn’t I quip back something clever like Kavelyn would do?
“I’m Kyda of House Azola,” the female said. She was dressed in a flowing bright red gown that matched her eyes. Her throat was decorated with a strand of shimmering black gems.
House Azola.
Lydrasa’smother,I determined silently.
Damn.
“It was a gift I hadn’t expected,” I told her, trying to paste on a small smile. I had a feeling it looked as shaky as it felt on myfeatures. “Your necklace is very lovely. Would you consider those gems or crystals?”
The question popped from my lips before I could retract it.
