She sighed, and I tugged her into my lap.
“It’s different between us now,” I said. “I won’t let myself get to that state again, all right?”
A part of me had treated it like a punishment. For how I’d hurt her, I’d thought that I deserved to hurt too.
Now I saw how foolish that reasoning truly was.
“I know Ineedto be strong,” I said gruffly. “For you. For our child. So that if anything happens, I can protect you to my full capabilities. I willneverlet myself get to that state again. I can’t. I’m sorry.”
It had been foolish. So fucking foolish. I saw that clearly now.What would’ve happened if Erina had been there last night? What if thelyvinhad gone after her? Would I have been strong enough to defend her? We’d tracked down the pack in the woods because they’d attacked a farmer last night. But what if that had been Erina? My child?
“Kaldur,” she called, and I realized I was holding her too tightly.
I loosened my grip immediately as she reached up to smooth her finger down my face.
“I never asked how you got this,” she said gently. My scar, she meant. “The keepers had a lot of theories over the years.”
My lips quirked. “ Like what?”
“A brawl gone wrong. A scorned lover. A childhood fall when you were too daring.”
“All of them plausible, unfortunately,” I drawled.
“The keepers certainly thought so,” she informed me. I knew what she was doing. Trying to distract me when she’d sensed my reaction about thelyvins.
“My father made us all train with blades since we were young,” I informed her. “Thaine and I were training one day. I must have been fifteen at the time. Thaine, a couple years older. Our instructor was teaching us how to spar two opponents at once. She never took it easy on us—she, or my father, didn’t believe in that. The blades were always real, and we have the scars to prove it,” I said. “We were in the forest that day. Thaine accidentally tripped over a root when our instructor was coming at us hard. He tried to turn to get out of the way of her blade, which was”—I made a wide arc with my hand overhead, showing her where it would land—“coming right here.”
Right over the middle of my face.
“I saw it,” I said, giving her a curl of a smile. “I lunged to push him out of the way. And it came right here.”
Her fingers traced the scar. Old now—I didn’t even notice it anymore.
“You saved him,” she noted.
I gave a little scoff. “He would’ve been fine. Maybe lost an eye. It would’ve built his character better. I was the one maimed for life.”
She shook her head, a laugh of disbelief falling from her. “I’m sure the females found it very dashing,” she said dryly.
“They did,” I admitted, lips quirking as I teased her. My smile faded. “Thaine did feel terribly about it. He still does sometimes. I use it to my full advantage too.”
“You’re incorrigible,” she whispered, her eyes tracing the scar.
“I thought I saved him,” I murmured, raising a brow. “I’m a hero, remember?”
“And very humble too.”
I laughed. Then after it faded, so did my smile. “Truthfully, I didn’t really think in that moment. There were no consequences except Thaine being seriously injured. It was instinct alone. And had it been reversed, he would’ve done the same for me. So there’s nothing heroic about it. It was just me…”
“Loving your brother,” she finished.
“Yes,” I said, inclining my head. “You know what that’s like.” Referring to Luc, of course. “And even though they disappoint you, even though you sometimes don’t agree with their decisions, you still love them.”
Understanding had softened her gaze. “You love your family.”
“Deeply,” I rumbled. “Every last one of them, even when we can’t stand each other.”
“There were rumors a while back that you had a disagreement with your eldest brother over his choice of a wife,” she hedged, cocking her head to the side.
