Iwantedto love someone. I was desperate to. I felt I had so much love to give, if only someone would give me the chance.
I’d told Velle that once. She’d laughed. I could still hear her response running in my head:Don’t be so pathetic, Erina. These nobles can smell desperation. If you want to find a wealthy husband, you have to play the game well.
But I didn’t think love was a game. I thought it was the purest form of everything good in this life. What was so wrong about wanting to share that with someone? I didn’t care about money. I only cared if someone had a good heart.
Staring at Kaldur, I wondered about his heart.
“If I agree to it,” I began softly, “I would still wish to work in the keep. In some capacity.”
“Out of the question,” Kaldur said, his tone an easy dismissal. He was used to giving orders, to being obeyed.
“The other keepers will talk,” I argued. I’d often listened to gossip at the lunch table. I didn’t want to be the next subject on their list, to be laughed at.
“They’ll talk regardless,” Kaldur said. “What they think of you should not matter anymore.”
“I care about what they think. Some are my friends.”
“Ah, but if they wag their tongues behind your back, are theytruly your friends?” Kaldur asked, spearing me with a hardened look that had me biting my lip. “Being a blood giver is more tiring than you might think. I don’t want you working in the keep. I know how hard my keepers work. You need the rest between feedings. I’m selfish, Erina, because I don’t want you exhausted—I’ll taste it.” I jerked at the admission. “You will be well compensated, I assure you. You will have all the time you want. To mix together your different colors and admire pretty vases in the village that you can actually purchase for yourself.”
Time. Time…to work on my stories? Without the fear of Maudoric lingering around corners. Velle would no longer have a reason to be angry with me.
Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
For some reason, Velle’s words wouldn’t stop flowing through my mind. That males like Kaldur would smell how badly I wanted them. That I might have to play a game I knew nothing about if I wanted a chance with him. Something I’d only ever dreamed about…
It was on the tip of my tongue to say yes. To agree to it right then and there. To follow my heart instead of my head. Syndras had always teased that my heart would be my ruin.
“Can I let you know my decision tomorrow,Kyzaire?” I asked instead.
A good night’s sleep—if sleep would come after this—would make everything clear. It always did.
A subtle expression flashed over his face. I’d surprised him, I realized, feeling a small bloom of what felt like victory. Because for someone like the High Lord of Vyaan, I figured he wasn’t surprised quite so often.
He took another step toward me—when he’d already been so close. He was standing at my side, and I had to turn my head to regard him. I held my breath as those eyes skimmed over me, starting at my hair, traveling down my face, down my neck.
One hand reached out. He swiped another droplet that hadgathered at the nape of my neck, just beginning to run down. I gasped, a small little sound I wished I could take back. His thumb was searingly hot, and the gentle swipe of his calloused finger created odd sensations skittering down my spine. I shivered. I wanted to sink into that touch. I felt the pound of my heart triple, and I smelled the heat of his nearness, going dizzy with it.
My hair was tumbling down from its bun after a quick slide of his hand through the ribbon. I could smell the bloom of the soap I’d used during my bath drift up. I heard the sharp inhale, the quick catch of his own breath, and it made me jerk my head over to regard him. Was he as affected by this as I was?
Bywhateverthis was?
The room felt too hot, but my feet were rooted into place. Would I burn to a crisp there if I couldn’t move? He was looking at me—reallylooking at me—and I was pinned in place, like a flower being catalogued and studied, every tucked, hidden petal unfurled for his perusal.
Kaldur’s head moved forward, and I sucked in a small breath. His nose lowered until I couldjustfeel his heated exhale over my exposed neck.
His voice was guttural and low when he said, “Never hide your true scent from me again, Erina.”
My lips parted, a flood of surprising heat rising at the words, at the strange and surprisingly intimacy of this moment.
“That perfume? Get rid of it.”
I didn’t know what was happening. All I knew was that my heart was trying to beat its way out of its cage and I wanted to stay there all night with his voice in my ear.
“Take some time to think about my offer,” he said, his voice softening. He backed away, and I felt like all the air came rushing in. My knees wobbled, but I was pleased when I managed to keep from swaying where I stood. He added, softly, “But don’t take too long.”
Instead of those words feeling like a threat, they sounded like a gruff plea.
“Go,” he said. He turned from me, heading toward the arched window. “Before I do something I regret.”
